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Jewish World Review Rolling Stoned By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Some say the Rolling Stones are the best rock band in the world. That's a little extravagant; it's like calling Earth the best planet in the universe. How do you know unless you've seen them all? That said, the Stones are certainly one of the most interesting bands in the world, and guitarist Keith Richards may be the band's most interesting member. Keef, as fans call him, has, against all odds, reached age 68, and in 2010 he released his autobiography, "Life." When you read about the copious drugs he and his bandmates took for many years (Richards swears he's been off junk for 30 years), it makes you wonder why you're paying extra for organic free-range chicken, soy milk and other things that are supposed to be so good for you. The parts of "Life" that are not about taking drugs, scoring drugs or being busted for drugs are about his many trips to rehab to get off drugs. The thing is, it wasn't just the boys in the band smoking, snorting and shooting dope. The roadies, the groupies, the record execs, the studio musicians, the agents and their famous friends were all doing it, too. Richards would get out of rehab, and the next day a "friend" would lay some smack on him. By the way, he still drinks. He writes that while recording in Canada not long ago (in Rolling Stone years, anyway), the band and its entourage cleaned the Jim Beam out of every liquor store within 50 miles by the end of the first week. When Keef heard about it, he put down his elf-booted foot. "That's it," he said. "From now on, we're drinking vodka." One of the oddest things about successful musicians is that they are workaholics. It's hard to tell if Richards is bragging or complaining when he says that in its first five years, the band didn't take one day off. None of the Stones ever had a job other than playing in a band. If they weren't playing or recording, they were writing songs, doing photo shoots or appearing on TV. That's what it takes to stay on top. You can never stop. Keef can be as charming as Captain Jack Sparrow, the "Pirates of the Caribbean" character that Johnny Depp modeled on Richards. But not always. Throughout the book Richards casually refers to women by the b-word, sleeps with a gun under his pillow, and seems to be under the delusion that he is a large, black Jamaican rastaman. Then it starts to get weird. He and Mick Jagger haven't spoken in 20 years except to write songs whenever they needed to raise some quick cash. Incidental tidbit: It seems that most of the time, Richards writes the music and Jagger writes the lyrics. What else? They all hated Brian Jones because he was a girlfriend-beating, needy, selfish, egotistical piece of goose dropping. No one in the band seemed surprised or upset when Jones turned up dead in his swimming pool a month after quitting the band in 1969. Bassist Bill Wyman quit because he was afraid of flying. Richards left longtime girlfriend Anita Pallenberg because she was doing more drugs than he was. How is that even possible? As for the music, Richards gives a blow-by-blow account of recording the songs for "Exile on Main St." That album was recorded in the basement of a seaside villa he'd rented in southern France so that he and the rest of the group wouldn't have to pay confiscatory British income taxes. For months the band members recorded in a hot, sweaty root cellar until they got what they wanted. Then in one line, Richards says something like, "Then we took the masters to LA and added the vocals and overdubbing." Wait, what? That could have been fleshed out a little more. Depp and Richards read some of the chapters of the audiobook version, and it is hard not to laugh when you hear a Captain Jack voice say, "I don't have a drug problem; I have a police problem." I saw the Stones in 1972, figuring it would be the band's last tour because all the bandmates would be dead of pop-star excesses in a year or two, Keef being the first to go. It seems he may outlive us all. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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