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Jewish World Review Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Have you ever watched more than one television show about the making, eating or selling of cupcakes? If your answer is "yes" and you're not in some way connected to the cupcake business, I'm worried about you. And not just about your adult-onset diabetes. I can't be the only person surprised to learn that there is a show on television devoted exclusively to cupcakes. To find out there are at least three of them is troubling. Normally I would say "to each his own," but "Cupcake Wars"? Really? When the reality TV craze started years ago with "Survivor" and "Big Brother," I used to wonder what was wrong with television. It turns out that was the wrong question. Now, after the success of "Jersey Shore" and programs about multiple Kardashians, hoarding, pawning, extreme fishing, ice truck driving and very unreal housewives of Who-Cares, it seems the question should have been, "What is wrong with television viewers?" Have you been following the MTV hit "Teen Mom"? Neither have I, as I am older than 13 and no longer think turning 16 is the biggest thing that will ever happen in my entire life, the life that my parents are trying to wreck. "Teen Mom" is a spinoff of the previous MTV reality show "16 and Pregnant," and it "stars" the same cast of teens, celebrated for making poor life choices. I thought maybe it would be good for teens to see how hard it is to be a teenage parent, to learn that raising children isn't a cakewalk even for mature, well-adjusted women with responsible partners. Surely the 4.5 million teens who watched the first year's finale learned an important life lesson. Then I looked at the Facebook comments for the show. Here's a typical comment (with the original spelling): "I'm 17 an preganat I would like to be apart of the show." Well, who hasn't misspelled things on Facebook? It's hard to type with your thumbs. More disturbing is that someone thinks being 17 and pregnant is the road to stardom. Why waste all that time and money on singing and dancing lessons if all it takes to get on TV is to be a baby mama? You'd think there was a national competition to be the first one in your high school class to have a baby shower. If the teen mom could learn to make cupcakes, there's no telling how far she could go on reality television. Maybe she could get engaged. Planning a wedding is also a good way to become a reality TV star. Not planning any old wedding, but a huge, expensive wedding that will impress all your friends with how much money you've wasted. Because, as every teen bride knows, the more you spend on your wedding, the longer the marriage will last. Just ask the Kardashians, whichever one had the weeklong marriage. The good news is that it doesn't matter whom you marry. A reality TV bride will spend much more time picking a wedding dress than she will a groom. Practically any guy in a tux will do. What's really important is the cake, the paper the invitation is printed on and the DJ. The husband is just there for ceremonial purposes, like a ref at a hockey game. A husband is also a good thing to drag along when your friends start having over-the-top weddings. What's odd is that there are 21 reality shows about weddings, but only 12 shows about being wives. It seems getting married is twice as popular as being married. Is it because the husband is always in one room watching "SportsCenter" and the wife is in the next room watching wedding-planning shows? Or vice versa? Well, I guess that's why we have Dr. Phil's reality show -- to sort it out when it all goes south. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: FOOD FIGHT! Rolling Stoned Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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