Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 27, 2012/ 5 Iyar, 5772

From here to immaturity

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Judging from recent news cycles, we are swiftly closing in on the Age of Endless Adolescence. Last week began with a photo of a middle-age man in a tub with two wine glasses beside him. Everyone thought it was another Cialis ad. It turned out to be GSA Chief Jeffrey Neely childishly blowing through hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars.

A few days later, Secret Service agents who cavorted with Colombian hookers when they were securing premises before the President's arrival, shuffled home with their tails between their legs. They looked like school boys busted for stealing the rival teams' mascot.

Midweek, Dallas Maverick Delonte West was fined $25,000 by the NBA for giving a Utah Jazz player a "wet willy." A "wet willy," is when someone licks their finger and sticks it in another person's ear. (Noogies on the sideline!)

If you're over 21 and you've been doing the responsible adult thing -- working, paying taxes, managing your money well, being faithful to your spouse, drawing boundaries for your kids, enjoying weekends in a moderate fashion and contributing to the well being of those around you, you are so last century.

Maturity is out. The perpetual teenager is in. Would the last grown-up to leave the room turn off the lights?

Change can be hard to embrace, so for those of you who are slow to adapt, I offer the following list in hope that it speeds you along the way to immaturity.

How to remain a perpetual adolescent:

  • Always let your feelings be your guide.
  • Let someone else make the hard calls.
  • Go with the crowd.
  • Take at least 10 pictures of yourself with your camera phone every day.
  • Immerse yourself in celebrity culture.
  • Live on Facebook.
  • Never tell your kid no; just be your kid's best friend.
  • Watch the Cartoon Network.
  • Accumulate a lot of stuff that makes you happy. You deserve it.
  • If you're over 40, dress like you're 30, party like you're 20.
  • Drink your Fiber One through a straw and spit it out your nose.
  • Be loud. Try to draw attention to yourself wherever you are.
  • Forget that you're married. Try to forget you have kids, too.
  • Sponsor a "Be Like Alec Baldwin Day" at work.
  • Be coarse, vulgar and inappropriate.
  • Mix Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi and lemonade at the fountain machine.
  • If the conversation lulls, make that flatulence sound using your hand and your armpit.
  • Your mother is lying -- you'd look good with a Steven Tyler feather in your hair.
  • Don't read; you could hurt yourself.
  • Sell your car. Skateboard to work.

In closing, one more suggestion for the Dallas Mavericks -- swirlies in the locker room.


Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

ARCHIVES

© 2012, Lori Borgman

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles