|
|
|
My sad cushy life By Jim Mullen
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
One of the web sites I visit regularly has a section called First World Problems, where contributors post complaints we hear every day about things that are pretty much non-problems in a big part of this world where many people live on a dollar a day; where new cars, smooth roads and regular meals are hard to come by; where just getting through another day is a job all by itself. Once you read a few, I'm sure you can come up with a list of your own. Here are a few I've probably said myself:
I ordered decaf but I think they gave me regular coffee.
Our patio furniture got knocked over in last night's thunderstorm.
They've cut the budget for the Gifted and Talented program at Tiffany's school.
Our plane to Disney World was two hours late. It was horrible.
Our dishwasher is on the fritz. They can't get to it for two days.
You call this pasta al dente?
I'm so disappointed. My cat's video didn't go viral.
The birds keep messing up my BMW.
I just buy two fish fillets for $3 and throw the one I don't eat away.
I threw out the potatoes with eyes. They're just so creepy looking.
I hate when the two-ply toilet paper splits into one-ply!
I forgot to tape last night's episode of "Hoarders."
The garage is so full of junk we have to park the third car on the street.
How many ringtones does one child need to buy in a month?
Crabgrass!
I wish our maid spoke better English.
It takes us a half hour to get to the nearest Cheesecake Factory.
I bought non-clumping cat litter by mistake. What a disaster.
There was some pulp in my pulp-free orange juice this morning. I should write them a letter.
We didn't like the people who rented out our beach house this year.
I spent a half hour driving around the mall looking for a parking spot closer to Abercrombie.
I never get the pretty nurses when I stay at the hospital.
The food at my golf club isn't that great, but I eat there anyway.
Why are all the roads always under repair?
What do you expect for a two-dollar cup of coffee?
I had to wait five minutes to use the elliptical machine at the gym.
I had to sit through a boring PowerPoint presentation before I could go to lunch.
I have to use a year-old iPad.
Our dog walker called in sick today, so I had to take them out myself.
My company doesn't offer me enough choices in my 401k.
I forgot to mail back my Netflix today, now I won't get a new one for two days.
I really don't like those low-flow toilets. Sometimes they don't get the job done.
We bought granite countertops for the kitchen, but now all the design magazines are showing butcher-block counters.
I had to wait for, like, ten minutes at the "10 items or less" line at the grocery store.
I don't care what they say; liposuction hurts.
I didn't want to eat that much popcorn but it was only a dollar more to get the extra-large.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
© 2009, NEA |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
