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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 11, 2011 / 7 Nissan, 5771

Being in the No

By Alan Douglas




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My dogs and I are all graduates of the Pat Lacey School of Dog Obedience. The dogs received diplomas and graduation pictures while I got the bill. My wife and I devoted seven weeks of our lives to attending lectures, doing group drills, and completing our homework assignments. Graduation examinations were extensive. A hot dog and other treats were waved in front of the dogs or dropped on the floor in front of them. They could not eat them unless specifically given the "Okay" command. I believe my wife's primary motivation for sending the dogs to obedience school was really to train me. Whenever I approach a buffet, I automatically stop, and await the "Okay" command from my wife.

I learned a lot at doggie school that makes sense for human beings. One of those golden nuggets was this… If you shout, "No" at a dog it will excite them, it will confuse them, but they rarely know what it is that you want them to do. The criticism, shouting, and censure raise the emotional pitch, but are not helpful. At best, it will cause the dog to freeze. A dog will slink down to a subservient position, not because they are obeying your command, but because they know you are unhappy about something. Rather than saying, "No jumping," try saying "Sit."

A positive command tells them what action you want and expect them to do. They may or may not like it, but they know what is being asked of them. This lesson has merit for husbands and other lower life forms. Expressing your displeasure, pain, or anger with, "No" just isn't communicating. It generates emotions such as fear or rejection but doesn't communicate the topic. There are situations when there is not sufficient time for deep two-way communication. Discussions that include a full understanding and total communications are not conducted inside a burning building. Situations with violence, emergencies, and people distraught beyond reason, not only justify, but also demand we not have discussions. In some cases decisive commands are required.

The cliche, "What part of NO, don't you understand" explains why the word "NO" has no meaning to many people. Many speeches and sermons have given us the idea that the word is a moral challenge. Motivation speakers, coaches and fundraisers everywhere tout the power of persistence, salesmanship, and "Never take NO for an answer" as one of the highest virtues. NO is offered as a challenge, a test of persistence. "NO" is final, and a sign of self discipline when, we want to believe in it…such as in the advertising campaign directed at kids to "Just Say "NO" to drugs." Human beings need a reason, a reward, faith, or fear, if they are to abstain from temptation. Computers essentially work on binary system of on and off, up and down, yes or no. People aren't wired the same way. We have lots of distractions and plenty of emotional baggage.

And when you are on the receiving end…there are people and organizations that never give you an answer. Some people are timid, some embarrassed, or many lack authority to answer, so NO is the escape answer. Or they drag things out, call for endless meetings, just to avoid an answer. Your first step in these cases is to find out what is behind the resistance, before they reject your request. Many people are in a position of gatekeeper; they have the authority to reject, but not the power to approve. Politicians, editors, and colleges have developed complex and byzantine committee systems to refine "filtering out" to an art form.

If you get a true and final "NO", look at it as closure and as your marching orders to move forward. Out of all the cliches, maxims, and homilies on the subject, my favorite one is: "NO" is the second best answer." "NO" should be the command, "move forward." Get past not accepting their explanation for the big "NO." Accepting rejection is a sign of maturity, professionalism and protecting your sanity. Don't wallow or pout. You have better things to do with your life. If not, get to work on creating them.

Give clear directions as to what you want from others, and yourself. Accept rejection and move on. Life waves a lot of hot dogs, and other temptations in front of each of us. Be prepared to pounce, or to pass, with ethical and spiritual values to tell you when it is "Okay."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.


Previously:

The Sixth Sense
Dogs in Danger
Facebook, LinkedIn and the Zuckerberg Exit
Simon Bolivar Would Tell Glenn Beck to, ‘Put A Sock In It’
Children and Grandchildren
Swearing, Shoes, and Mark Twain
How my poor man's Porsche, Virgil, prepared me for life
Leases and Landing Gear
The Oscars, Obama and Job Creation
Damages and Penalties
Obstacles with Impossibilities
Making Others Feel Bad
Referrals and Recommendations
Woodpecker Frustration
Phrases, Not Resolutions
I Was A Crime Fighter and Super Hero
Comforting with Sympathizing
Nautical Worry Killers
Can You Keep A Secret?
Holiday Card Hazards
Gifts
Sharing, Transparency and Dumping
Red Alert
Readers Respond Regarding Rabbi
Readers: I Need Your Help with my Rabbi
Humphrey Bogart and P. T. Barnum on Fighting with Family and Friends
Columbus, Honors and Hound Dogs
The Free Lunch
When your child suffers
Conversational Transmitted Diseases
Conservative, Liberal or American
Paris, Antarctica and Shopping
Personal Protection
Dispute Resolution
Jumped or Pushed?
Friends and Acquaintances
Revenge and Vindication

© 2010 Alan Douglas

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