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Jewish World Review April 25, 2011 / 21 Nissan, 5771 Don't second guess the deceased By Alan Douglas
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Last week I told you how much mischief and sorrow you can create with your will. You can fall into the trap designed by others to create feuds and animosity from the grave. When I was drafting wills and dealing with estates after clients died, I learned enough about family dynamics to keep me up many nights.
Here is the usual warning: See your attorney if you want legal advice. Don't think any book or a website will substitute. And if you have enough money to make it worthwhile, see an attorney who is also an accountant or has a LLM (post-graduate degree for law) in estate law. An inheritance is what you get as an heir or a beneficiary. The estate is a legal entity that is fiction. Estates are formed by the government to settle (and so they can tax) the deceased person. You can't avoid the government, even after you die. The estate pays the tax, not the beneficiaries receiving the money. You can plan using trusts, gifts, and a whole range of devices, but ultimately you have to determine who gets what, when, and how. Life changing events, changes in the law, and the wisdom gained with age, all necessitate the future periodic review and possible revision of your estate plan.
It is hard enough to figure out what is fair when you don't want to make trouble. If you don't have a will, then the state where you live will determine who gets what (depending upon the form of ownership and relationship). But if you draft a will there is plenty to ponder. If one child is richer than another child, should the estate be divided equally? If one child who lived near their dying mother cared for her during her last few years, should that child be rewarded with more than the other children? If there are two children and one has a grandchild and the other does not, should the two children each receive the same amount? When minors are involved it gets even more complicated. If thinking about doing right by the kids is problematic, what about the pets left behind? The law says they are property, and just like the old beat up couch in the living room they get disposed of.
By naming someone to serve as the executor or personnel representative to handle your estate after you die; don't view it as anything but a pain in the butt. It is not an honor, it is a thankless job. And some people want their friends to undertake these responsibilities without compensation. People often find the best approach to planning for their demise, is to ignore it and to let the surviving family deal with it.
So, if you don't have a will, then write one. Sure you might save some taxes that Uncle Sam will grab, but more importantly, you can save your family a lot of grief. In your will, make clear who gets what and why. By making the gesture to plan for your family, you minimize the friction at a time when everyone is grieving and often itching for a fight. Sure, some of them will be unhappy with you, but if family peace is important to you, then a will is important. After you die, your popularity becomes less important here on earth as the centuries go by; and it was never important elsewhere anyway.
And for all of you waiting to inherit, here is the answer to your all questions. It isn't your money. Your parents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives may be very rich, but it isn't your money. They may be very rich thanks to unethical behavior, good luck, hard work, sacrifice, or inheritance, but it still isn't your money. Don't count on ever seeing a penny of it. You aren't entitled to it unless some court says you are. Even if your rich relatives adore you, they have a right to spend every last cent for their own pleasure. Parents with young children or children with elderly parents may recognize an obligation to provide for the financial well being of those they love. But don't count on it. When money is involved, families go for the gold. The named beneficiary in a life insurance policy trumps an instruction in a will. When beneficiaries for life insurance policies aren't changed after marriage, divorce, or the birth of a child, very ugly things happen. Haste, forgetfulness, and war make for situations where people have to choose between the windfall of insurance money (tax-free) or doing the right thing. An unhappy childhood, or the chance at winning the insurance proceeds, doesn't change that fact that it isn't your money. Others may be entitled to it.
Don't second guess the deceased. Once you get the money, then it is up to you to decide who is entitled, and who isn't. When it is your money, then you can decide. The crowded line on the left is made up of people who think they are entitled to whatever they can get. The small line on the right is composed of those who are thankful for whatever they get. Life may or may not be what you make of it, but estates certainly are.
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JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.
Pain and legacies
© 2010 Alan Douglas
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