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Jewish World Review April 7, 2008 / 2 Nissan 5768 ‘Boomerangs’ put burden on elderly By Jan L. Warner & Jan Collins http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: I am writing because my parents won't. I am 56 and my sister is 50. I have been married for 32 years to the same person; my sister has been married four times. I have been economically stable; my sister has borrowed from my parents for years. I have been steadily employed; my sister has had numerous short-term jobs and, with the downturn in the economy, recently lost her last one. Now my sister has talked my parents into letting her "come back home to help" them. Our parents are in their late 70s, and this intruder into their home has been a nightmare for them. They complain to me — but not to my sister — that she stays up all night, sleeps until noon, refuses to clean up and is always too busy to do any chores. She does not contribute to their expenses even though she has savings and unemployment. With my parents going downhill mentally and physically to some extent, I am concerned that the "help" my sister is giving them will drive them into early graves. How can I help my parents with this dilemma? They do not want to hurt her feelings — precisely the same reason they have "loaned" her money over the years. A: Unfortunately, with the downturn in the economy over the past few years, more and more "boomers" are becoming "boomerangs" — that is, returning to their parents' homes and never leaving again. We used to hear about children in their 20s coming home because they couldn't find work, and, in many instances, could not repay their college loans. While this is still true, the age of those returning "home to roost" has been on the rise with the increase in economic woes. The return to the roost can be a blessing, a curse, or, in some instances, both. While parents may be happy to have an adult child back home, the intrusion into their space and failure to follow the "rules of the roost" can also cause undue stress on seniors. Coupled with the increased financial strain that accompanies change, some situations like this work, while others don't. We believe that the best predictor of the future is the past, and, based on your description, your sister's history is causing a predictable result. In addition to an emotional burden, your sister is a financial burden to your parents, and this most probably will disrupt their economic future. For example, if your parents give your sister money, and then if either is required to seek assistance from Medicaid in the future, those gifts will cause penalties. And while we don't particularly like "care contracts" between parents and children in the first place, to enter into one with your sister would be a recipe for disaster. Your sister appears to be clueless that the increased cost of goods and services has hit seniors on fixed incomes very hard. Thus, in addition to their concerns about how they will pay their own bills, your parents have taken on another dependent. What to do? It is unlikely that your parents will give your sister the boot without intervention because they are parents, and because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. On the other hand, the added stress in their lives will likely cause them health problems. Taking the NextStep: Because of the difficulty of this issue — which is becoming more of a problem to seniors — and because we simply don't have enough space to do justice to this important phenomenon that is descending on seniors throughout the United States, we will provide some ideas next week about how to avoid or deal with the invasion of the boomerangs. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JAN L. WARNER received his A.B. and J.D. degrees from the University of South Carolina and earned a Master of Legal Letters (L.L.M.) in Taxation from the Emory University School of Law in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a frequent lecturer at legal education and public information programs throughout the United States. His articles have been published in national and state legal publications. Jan Collins began co-authoring Flying SoloŽ in 1989. She has more than 27 years of experience as a journalist, writer, and editor. To comment or ask a question, please click here. Archives © 2008, Jan Warner

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