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In this issue
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (1 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality
Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America
Oct. 29, 2009
Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity?
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland
JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure?
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost
Oct. 15, 2009
Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process'
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 14, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer : Add pesto to bean soup and get ready for yum --- in minutes!
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: How To Recognize A Control Freak, Part II (A VERY fast 14 minutes)
Oct. 13, 2009
Jonathan Rosenblum: Why Palestinian Incitement Matters So Much
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: How To Recognize A Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 12, 2009
Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Shimmering paradoxes
JWisdom.com: One Small Spark … One Great Fire By Gavriel Aryeh Sanders (7 minutes)
Oct. 9, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Illusion of Influence
JWisdom.com: Take the Sage of St. Louis' Challenge by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: The newest round of war
Oct. 8, 2009
Joseph Aaron: What the Chicago Olympics failure must teach Jewry
JWisdom.com: Rehabbing The Thief Within by Sara Yoheved Rigler (9 minutes)
Oct. 7, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman : Sumptuous supper in the sukkah
JWisdom.com: Know an 'invincible' teen? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe (6 minutes)
Oct. 6, 2009
Alan H. Luxenberg: The Twilight Zone's Jewish soul
JWisdom.com: A Sage for Our Age --- and Only 238 Years old! by Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz(10 minutes)
Oct. 5, 2009
JWisdom.com: Harvesting Happiness By Rabbi Eytan Feiner (7 minutes)
Oct. 2, 2009
Rabbi Yitzhak Adlerstein: Happiness is a Warm Sukkah
JWisdom.com:Getting out of the rut and into the hut by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Oct. 1, 2009
Barry Horn: A spiritual force: Cowboys' Igor Olshansky takes a fierce pride in his Jewish faith
JWisdom.com:Defeating Your Inner Saboteur By Sara Yoheved Rigler (6 minutes)
Sept. 30, 2009
Yaffa Ganz: The Other 'Evil Eye'
JWisdom.com: Strong Willed Children make the best leaders: How to get them to that point by Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Richard Z. Chesnoff: Killing Kasztner, the Jew who bargained with Eichmann
Sept. 29, 2009
Mona Charen: Who Needs Religion?
JWisdom.com: Sukkos: Journey to Joy by Rabbi Harvey Belovski (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review April 9, 2008 / 4 Nissan 5768

Charm School for Your Career

By Marty Nemko

Nemko
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Joe Clueless (a real person whose name I've changed to protect the guilty) is smart, handsome, and hardworking. Yet he's been let go many times from corporate jobs and now, at 45, is a substitute teacher. MENSA IQ but not EQ. If only he had attended charm school.


LESSON 1: Joe was negative. "This company isn't going anywhere," or "You never told me I should do that!" Even if your concerns are valid, you pay a likeability price for each complaint. When tempted to be negative, assess whether the benefit is worth the likely liability. Don't criticize unless you can propose a likely acceptable solution.


LESSON 2: Joe thought he was smarter than he really is--he had attended self-esteem-building workshops. He stated his opinions as truisms and usually dismissed criticism without reflection or inquiry. Even if you're right, that style unnecessary demeans everyone else. Make assertions in a way that allows for the possibility you're wrong, for example, "I think (insert your statement.) What do you think?" If your argument is rejected, take no more than one more stab at it. If that doesn't work, drop it. Pursuing it further is unlikely to help and could brand you as stubborn.


LESSON 3: Joe didn't let people get a word in edgewise. He'd talk for five minutes without stopping. Of course, everyone thought him rude, egotistical, and stifling of the exchange of ideas. Follow the Traffic Light Rule: During the first 30 seconds of an utterance, your light is green: You may speak without worry. During the second 30 seconds, your light is yellow: Chances are, your listener(s) is ready to respond and waiting for you to finish. After the 60-second mark, your light is red. Yes, you'll very occasionally want to run a red light--when you're saying something important that couldn't be broken up into two parts, allowing your listener to respond to the first part. But usually, at the one-minute mark, you should shut up or ask a question. After you stop talking, half the time, shut up, half the time, ask a question such as "I'm not sure I was clear?" or "I'm wondering if that might apply to Project X?"


LESSON 4: Joe had a short fuse, going from zero to 60 in one second. He usually regretted his outbursts and apologized, but by then, it was too late--everyone dismissed Joe as a hothead. Remember that you pay a heavy price for displaying anger. Watch C-SPAN and you'll see the nation's most successful people discussing critical world issues, yet they rarely rise from concerned to angry. Yet Joe got annoyed if he had to make the breakroom coffee.


LESSON 5: Joe was egotistical. He cared little about his customers or his colleagues. Joe cared only about Joe.


Be customer-service and colleague-service focused. Go the extra mile to help your customers and colleagues get what they want and they'll more likely help you get what you want. Nordstrom and Southwest Airlines attribute much of their success to hiring less on experience and more on commitment to pleasing customers and co-workers.


LESSON 6: Other people need charm school because they are shy, depressed, or lack confidence. Such people are prone to passive-aggressiveness, which like Joe's traits, can doom a career. For example, they resent colleagues for being successful, smart, or even physically attractive. They might then start rumors about the person, keep that person out of the information loop, or claim the person's idea as their own. Those techniques usually work for a while, but eventually people wise up to passive-aggressive people's game.


When tempted to quietly sabotage others, decide whether it's wiser to express your concern directly. (See Lesson 2.)


LESSON 7 Often, people violate these rules unintentionally. They work so hard or have such heavy family responsibilities that they lack the emotional reserve to behave as they know they should.


Regularly take time to recharge your batteries, for example, take a few minutes to walk around the building, write a poem, stare at a cloud.


If you think any of these rules might make you more successful, write them down on your to-do list. Keep them there.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Marty Nemko writes the career column on Kiplinger.com and is Contributing Editor for career matters at U.S. News & World Report. 500+ of Dr. Nemko's published writings are on www.martynemko.com. Comment by clicking here.

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