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Jewish World Review April 28, 2006 / 30 Nissan, 5766 Desperate Husbands: In the O.C. it is the husbands and ex-husbands who aredesperate By Drs. Michael A. Glueck & Robert J. Cihak http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Viewing the highly watched ABC Series, "Desperate Housewives" you get the impression the housewives of Wisteria Lane and everywhere U.S.A. are the really desperate. However, in other favorite TV series such as "The O.C.," "Laguna Beach"(Orange County) and "The Real Housewives of the O.C.," ( Cota de Caza in the O.C.) the women lead lives of extreme style, prestige, comfort and luxury. So who's the really "desperate" here? Perhaps it is the men folk — those who are husbands or ex-husbands. My premise is that in the real O.C. and counties elsewhere the truly desperate are the men who have to pay for all these unnecessary materialistic goods with cash/credit and in the process suffer emotional distress. The other evening I ran into an old friend. "Hi Mike, what's happening," he said. "It's been a busy month," I replied. We bought a new house at the top of Shady Canyon. My wife got a brand new Beamer convertible and I bought a 2006 CLS 500 Mercedes sedan for myself. Picked up a new Audi to bang arouind in when the status stuff is in the repair shop. My son is getting married next month in the East and my daughter who married last September is expecting triplets. So after all the chaos settles down we are all going to Italy where the family has rented a villa by the sea for three months. "Really," he replied somewhat surprised, before he realized I was kidding and not playing the, "Orange County One-Upsmanship Game." In a recent male focus group the married guys admitted they would be just as happy in their old homes rather than their top of the hill Newport Coast views of the Ocean — or Shady Canyon views of the shade. The monthly bills for the new $2-3 million mortgages, payments on prestige cars, insurances, taxes, fancy cruises and multiple country clubs can be in the tens of thousands per month! One broken soul told of his property taxes jumping from $1200 to $20,000 a year. The number of financially strung-out guys lying in Pacific View cemetery from hypertension, heart attacks, strokes, GI bleeding, obesity, acute anxiety attacks and depression increases monthly. The divorced ex-husbands must pay alimony and child support in addition to their 'incremental" living and dating expenses. They also play by an unique set of courting rules. They know women love to date older men — provided they have tons of money. So they have come up with a sliding monetary scale for romance. If you are older than 60 you can date a younger women provided you meet certain criteria. This adds more mental and financial stress. A 60 year old ex-husband must be worth $25 million to date a 50 year old woman, $50 million for a 40 year old, $100 million to date a 30 year old and 250 million for a 20 year old. If he dates someone his own age he gets a break; he need only be out of bankruptcy. Now there are some exceptions to the monetary dating scale. James, "Harley Jim," V. F., 60 and divorced with less than $25 million in the bank, lives with a beautiful 35 year old lady of Asian-Italian heritage. But "Harley Jim" has a custom Harley Davidson Deuce Cycle with about $50,000 worth of upgrades making it the fastest scooter in the West. He also drives a black Mercedes 500 CLS. No woman can drive fast enough to get away. Jim is available for free dating consultations at a local Newport Beach coffee shop named Kean's. Adding to all this suffering is the contempt some ex-wives have for ex-husbands and men in general. A beautiful O.C. divorced lady in her late forties told me that when her husband left her for a secretary she replaced him with a puppy for companionship. She neutered Rover immediately and a month later clipped his vocal cords because a neighbor complained about barking. Still, this poor dear has no clue why the guys won't ask her out. As I see it the social, economic and political problem is that no one speaks up for the stressed American husbands or ex's. The last half decade has seen a plethora of political action groups for the minorities, women, and gay-lesbian lobbies — but few or none for the desperate husbands. So in summary, maybe what we need is a new reality series called "The Real Desperate Husbands of Orange County". It is these men who desperately need some TLC in the O.C. and throughout the country. Editor's Note: Michael Scott Glueck III, M.D., is writing this week's column under a pseudonym to avoid having his computer cords clipped. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Michael Arnold Glueck, M.D., is a multiple award winning writer who comments on medical-legal issues. Robert J. Cihak, M.D., is a Discovery Institute Senior Fellow and a past president of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons. Both JWR contributors are Harvard trained diagnostic radiologists. Comment by clicking here. Archives © 2006,

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