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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 12, 2005 / 3 Nissan, 5765

Relativity speaking, Einstein was a slacker

By Peter Mehlman


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dear Albert Einstein:


Rest assured, in the 50 years since your passing, your name still comes up in conversation. Usually the context is something to the tune of:


"Thank G-d I have a ton of money because, believe me, my kid is no Einstein."


Or, "Yeah, that's why the title is 'Death of a Salesman,' Einstein."


Or, "Bernie, you have to get it looked at. I know a cosmetic orthopedist over at Einstein."


These statements should make you feel good about yourself. However, they also make it difficult to inform you that, in retrospect, you were a world-class underachiever.


Perhaps you feel that dreaming up E=MC2, the unified field theory, quantum theory and the theory of relativity by the age of 30, then moving to America and focusing the rest of your days on dating our college girls, constitutes a full life, but that's not the way we do things. Not here. Not now. Not in the 21st century.


We never stop striving. Take my neighbors, Al and Mathilda Tuthill. Their 54 years together has been the marital equivalent of ethnic cleansing. But do they give up on life? No. Ruth still gets weekly pedicures. Al goes with her to every appointment and insists on signing a "Do Not Resuscitate" form. How's that for stick-to-it-tiveness?


Oh wait, you don't know what a "Do Not Resuscitate" form is … Einstein.


My main problem with you, Albert, is that, with your brains, you could have helped humanity so much more than you did. But you squandered everything on physics, a science that is, at best, worthy of a hobby.


If you had ditched the secrets of the universe and discovered a way to make Diet Coke taste exactly like regular, we wouldn't be having this discussion today.


Oh wait. Diet Coke is a mystery to you. But E=MC2? That you understand. Anyway, I can't completely dismiss your life. You did rather well considering that, as a child, everyone thought you were slow in the head. At what age did you start talking, 8?


Well, if you were a kid today, you would be plied with so many pharmaceuticals, your parents would be happy if you just masterminded the theory of not eating mud.


But once you started talking, you were magnificently eloquent. This makes it all the sadder that the world today is so far removed from your hopes.


For instance, you were a great lover of the arts. You know what we consider art today? Investing. Consulting. Marketing. Relief pitching. Polling. We don't administer the Heimlich maneuver, we perform the Heimlich maneuver. Like squeezing a piece of sirloin from someone's esophagus is a piano recital.


(Heimlich? No, no one you knew.)


Now Albert, after the bomb, you admirably philosophized on world peace. Your poignant insights take up pages of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. Unfortunately, we're not really into peace. At best, we're into tolerance. We don't respect strangers, we tolerate them. In Los Angeles, there's even a Museum of Tolerance. It's like the Museum of Natural History, except instead of dinosaur remains, they have exhibits about being nice. And yet, if someone opened a Museum of Zero Tolerance, they would blow those better angels right out of business. They're not exactly raking it with those exhibits about hate crime.


Oh. New term: Hate crime. Every crime now is either a hate crime or not a hate crime. No "he gets on my nerves" crime; no "she's not my cup of tea" crime. Just hate or not hate. That's how bad things are: After we victimize someone, we rate how much we like them. If we really like them, we commit identity theft. Identity theft?


Well, suffice to say, the world is a different place today. Let's see you dream up the unified field theory while juggling four PIN numbers, eight secret codes, 12 preset radio stations, five TV remotes. You'd be like us, doing anything — anything! — just to clear your head.


Personally, between my massages, acupuncture and yoga, I barely have a minute to myself. And the thing is, Albert, we all partake in these comforting anesthetics without truly believing in any of them.


You should see people gazing at the sunset from the bluffs of Santa Monica every night just waiting, waiting, waiting for some revelation about life that never comes.


Boy, 50 years … can you believe it, Albert? Anyway, how are things with you?

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and the media consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.




Peter Mehlman, a television writer and producer, worked on "Seinfeld." Comment by clicking here.


© 2005, Los Angeles Times Distributed by Los Angeles Times Syndicate