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March 19, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: The Divine is in the details
JWisdom.com Stewards of sacrifice with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Why Obama is waging war on Israel
March 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Israel's New Enemy: America?
JWisdom.com Love me not? with Rabbi David Aaron (5 minutes)
Jonathan Rosenblum: Washington Throws a Tantrum
March 17, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Orwell, Santayana, and Me
Jonathan Tobin: How Many Lives Is Biden's Pride Worth?
March 16, 2010
Steven Emerson: Combating Lawfare
JWisdom.com How to perform a miracle with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair (4 minutes)
Anne Bayefsky: Behind Obama's Dangerous Overreaction on Israel
March 15, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Father's obligations toward minor children
JWisdom.com Moody, Grumpy, Irritable Children with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Judith Graham: Get the whole picture before a CT
March 12, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: You CAN have Heaven on Earth
JWisdom.com Manufacturing mediums with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: The march of the Red-Green brigades
March 11, 2010
Glenn Garvin: Conspiracy theories, why people believe them and how they spread
JWisdom.com For Yourself, Not By Yourself with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer : Turn leftovers into tasty New England hash
Paul Richter: Biden promises 'viable Palestine' is in the offing
March 10, 2010
Paul Greenberg: Death Checks In
JWisdom.com How To Get A (Real) Life with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( EXTENDED EPISODE)
Paul Richter: Israel exerts soverign right to its capital as Biden looks on astounded
Richard A. Serrano: 'Jihad Jane' indictment alleges threat from within U.S.
March 9, 2010
Wesley Pruden: Joe's Israeli adventure
JWisdom.com Free To Be (Responsibly) You and Me! with Rabbi Naftali Brawer ( 8 MINUTES)
David G. Savage: Supreme Court to rule on free speech in case of soldier's funeral
March 8, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Make a fuss about those who cuss?
JWisdom.com Finding or Losing Yourself? Here's How! with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Steven Emerson: America must learn from the UK about the future of Islamist subversion
March 5, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: Golden Calf still with us --- except it has multiplied
JWisdom.com The Limits of Eternity with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Biden's lost cause
March 4, 2010
Alan M. Dershowitz: How About A Real Campaign Against Abuses?
JWisdom.com Using Things, Loving People with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff ( 7 MINUTES)
Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkel's Everything's Relative
March 3, 2010
JWisdom.com Grasping The Name of Your Life Game with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( 8 MINUTES)
The Kosher Gourmet by Marialisa Calta : A cowboy's recipes for really good grub
March 2, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Someone's there
Diane Toroian Keaggy : Have we misunderstood Michelangelo?
March 1, 2010
JWisdom.com Whole in One with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Michael Muskal: Hillary meets with Israeli official, discusses gefilte fish dispute
Feb. 26, 2010
Rabbi Francis Nataf: The Megilla of Spring
JWisdom.com A Biblical Secret for a More Powerful You with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: When rhetoric rules the roost
Feb. 25, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: When walking away from your mortgage is both economically sound and makes ethical sense
JWisdom.com The Second Most Important Question in Your Life with Rabbi Yehoshua Karsh ( 5 MINUTES)
Seema Mehta : U.S.-Israel relations raised in California's Senate race --- by conservatives
Feb. 24, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: The gift of the ‘prayer bomber’
Steven Emerson: Why Religious Freedom Commission is under attack
Feb. 23, 2010
Dennis Prager: Government, Yes! The Divine and Parents, No!
JWisdom.com The Last Laugh of Enlightenment with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair ( 5 MINUTES)
Anne Applebaum: Prepare for war with Iran --- in case Israel strikes
Feb. 22, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Is it not refreshing Tiger Woods' career has crashed and burned so dramatically?
JWisdom.com Esther and the third Truth with Rabbi David Aaron ( 9 MINUTES)
Kelly Brewington: Going smoke-free may raise diabetes risk
Feb. 19, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: Is the Divine beyond us or within us?
JWisdom.com Olympic Faith with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Israel and the West are perpetrators of a myth that endangers the Jewish State
Feb. 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Who is Rashad Hussain?
JWisdom.com A Wedding Disaster to Remember with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein ( 3 MINUTES)
Feb. 17, 2010
JWisdom.com Think your life is messed up? with Rabbi David Aaron ( 11 MINUTES)
Greg Logan: 'Greatest Jewish sporting event of all time since David versus Goliath' may be postponed because of bar mitzvah
Feb. 16, 2010
Anya Martin : Boy's 'cerebral palsy' fixed with diet
JWisdom.com Feet On The Street Spirituality with Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 8 MINUTES)
Marty Peretz: Let Europe Mind Its Own Business. It Brings Nothing To The Table Save For Mischief
Feb. 15, 2010
Herb Geduld: Lincoln and the Jews
JWisdom.com Are Our Children Really Ours? with Rabbi Mordechai Becher ( 5 MINUTES)
Susan King: 'Wolf Man' reflected writer's wartime Jewish experience

Jewish World Review April 13, 2005 / 4 Nisan, 5765

Audit red flags

By Brad Dickson


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | This time of year many Americans fret about the third worst fate known to humankind (next to being incarcerated in a Turkish prison or receiving a late night call from Pat O'Brien): a tax audit. Thus, to help the American public avoid the dreaded A-word, I have compiled this list of potential audit red flags.

1) "Deducting your pets." My accountant says many Americans actually try to deduct their pets, which would be the first practical use ever for a cat. However, the I.R.S., utilizing the latest ultra high-tech, scam-targeting technology, has specially programmed computers designed to root out any return taking a deduction for a "Mr. Whiskers."

2) "Living above one's means." When you claim an income of $12,000 per year and your pad is a 5,000 square foot mansion with indoor lap pool and you own a Ferrari, those things are all okay. However, if you recently paid cash for a full tank of gasoline or a grand latte at Starbucks, that's going to raise some IRS eyebrows.

3) Attempting to deduct a losing bar bet for the time an inebriated guy named Buck claimed he could drink a glass of vodka through his nose, and you said he couldn't, and it turned out he could — red flag.

4) "Questionable requests for extensions." Everyone knows the tax filing deadline is mid April, but it's possible to file for an extension.. The following requests will elicit IRS scrutiny:

A). Filing for an extension, "until my tax preparer gets out of the slammer."
B). Filing for an extension, "until pigs fly."

C). Filing for the "Dan Rather Extension." (All the documents you turn in are fake.)

5. "Claiming a home office deduction." In order to take the home office deduction one room of your house must be used exclusively for business. When the IRS investigator shows up and sees your "home office" consists of a yellow legal pad atop a karaoke machine, adjacent an indoor batting cage, and a Jacuzzi with an inflatable woman, you may have some splainin' to do.

6) When the IRS catches one small infraction, and you ask if you can "take a mulligan" on the entire return — red flag.

7). "Claiming the neighbor kids as dependants." Although they spend 90% of their time on your front porch hawking Girl Scout cookies, Cub Scout light bulbs, every-magazine-known-to-man, "Brownie Timeshares" and "Indian Guide aluminum siding" you cannot deduct the junior Willy Lomans from next door. (Question: what do you do in Indian Guides these days — open little mini casinos?)

8) "Depreciating your spouse." We all get older, and frequently grumpier, and some of us lose our hair. However, the IRS takes a dim view of writing off your husband or wife's decline. And besides, with age comes wisdom.

9) On the portion of the tax form where it asks you to "List all income from tips" and you write, "HA-HA-HA-HA!! THAT'S A GOOD ONE. YOU GOT ANY MORE FUNNY JOKES?" you likely are in for an audit.

10) "Instead of stapling your W-2 form to your return you're so disorganized you staple your grocery list." (Florida residents only: you're so confused you staple a ballot with a vote for Al Gore to your return.)

There are literally hundreds more things you can do to trigger an audit.

At all cost avoid the following: Enclosing a dollar bill with your return so the head of the IRS can "buy a heart on Ebay;" drawing a 'sad face' inside the zeroes on 1040; and, replacing the last page of your tax form with a chain letter, informing the IRS that, "John Smith failed to send this to twenty-five friends and was found with an axe through his nose."

The important thing is to save all your receipts. I religiously saved every significant receipt in an old shoe box for seventeen years. Unfortunately, when I was audited I grabbed the wrong shoe box, and when I got to the IRS office all I had to show for my itemized deductions from 1990 — 1994 was a pair of brown penny loafers. By the time I left the office I still had the loafers, but the I.R.S. had the pennies.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.


Things not to say at the Charles-Camilla wedding!
BREAKING NEWS: We've gone berserk!
Dan Rather’s retirement speech
Rooster rumble a cockamamie idea?

© 2005, Brad Dickson

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