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Jewish World Review April 8, 2005 / 28 Adar II, 5765 Things not to say at the Charles-Camilla wedding By Brad Dickson
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Because they're stuffy Royal types, there's a short list of things you should not say at the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles if you plan to crash the party.
"The Queen isn't here? Is it her bowling night?"
"A civil ceremony? Great, I blew off The Apprentice for this?"
"I never would've suspected Gary Coleman would be best man."
"At least nobody here had to get off work today, ha-ha-ha-ha."`
"After the civil ceremony there's a "dedication service"? Forget that crap, when do we eat?"
"I give the marriage 6 months."
"She's got a lot of nerve, wearing white."
"I'm only here because hockey is on strike."
"This is a register's office? Imagine, the future king getting married the same place you go to prove your cat was vaccinated."
"Please — allow me to propose a toast to the Royal Couple — there once was a woman from Nantucket...".
"Camilla's dad? Oh, yeah, I recognize you from the Bumfight video."
"What am I doing here? I won my invitation by being the 133rd caller to K-rock."
"At least they're not rushing into it. I heard they've been dating since shortly after the War of 1812."
"That's irony — a civil ceremony for the two most uncivilized people to ever walk the planet."
"My brother's wedding was better than this, and he went through a drive thru chapel in Vegas".
"I know they can't be married in a church, but really, an Elvis impersonator?"
"Any truth to the rumor they struck a six-figure deal to sell the wedding photos to the Globe?"
"I hope you kids like the blender, but if not, here's the receipt."
"Enjoy your honeymoon, I hear Laughlin, Nevada is great this time of year."
"I'm just glad Princess Margaret didn't live to see this disgusting spectacle."
"Why does Charles have to keep correcting the justice's grammar?"
"After listening to Madonna all these years it's just refreshing to hear some British accents that aren't fake."
"Hey, Chuck, you old son of a gun, you finally reeled one in!"
"HOLY MOLY, CAN YOU BELIEVE THE SIZE OF CHARLES' EARS?! I'VE SEEN 'EM ON TV, BUT I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE SO HUMONGOUS! A FAMILY OF FIVE COULD LIVE IN THERE."
"Camilla Parker Bowles? I thought Charles was marrying Britney Spears."
"Okay, I admit it, that was me making the armpit noises while they were reciting their vows."
"Do these British people EVER bathe?"
"HOLY COW, CHARLES' EARS ARE THE SIZE OF WINNEBAGOES!"
"I hear Camilla almost backed out when she heard Charlie Sheen was available."
"This is the crappiest excuse for a Royal Wedding I have ever seen."
"IT LOOKS LIKE CHARLES HAS TWO YAO MINGS STAPLED TO THE SIDES OF HIS HEAD!"
"Prince Charles and Camilla?! I thought this was the wedding of Trista and Ryan from The Bachelorette."
"Do you guys validate?"
"Heck, yes, I object! On the grounds that I am the one and only for Ms. Bowles! Come, elope with me back to Peoria. We have terrific deep dish pizza."
"They make Liza Minelli and David Gest look like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward."
"Any truth to the rumor Lynard Skinner is gonna play the reception?"
"Who are all those men dressed as women outside? Oh, Parliament."
"Sure, the British people bonded with Camilla, I can tell she's never been to a dentist either."
"Of course she's a blushing bride, you'd be blushing too if you married a guy in his fifties who walks around in skirts and still answers to his mum."
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© 2005, Brad Dickson |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
