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Jewish World Review The Museum of Modern Body Art By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I was at a doctor's office in a small town recently and overheard one patient in the waiting room talking to another. "There are four tattoo parlors on Main Street and not one dress shop. Is it me, or has the world run off the track?" "No, there's still a dress shop on Main Street," his friend said. "It's in the back of one of the tattoo parlors." There was a time when people would buy clothes to cover up their tattoos. Now they buy clothes to show them off. The thong peeking above the low-rise jeans worn by a woman on a barstool doesn't begin to cover her butterfly tattoo. The guy in the sleeveless T-shirt sitting next to her has a green snake coiled around his arm. There was a time when you could live your whole life, except for an outing to the circus, and never meet a woman with a tattoo. Now all it takes is a trip to the grocery store. Like so many things, tattoos have moved overnight from the realm of renegades, delinquents and outlaws to the world of PTAs, debutantes and church picnics. I know husbands and wives who have given each other tats as birthday presents: "Honey, I love you so much I'm paying to have a guy stick needles into you all afternoon. I hope it doesn't get infected." I'm not against tattoos. I'm just wondering why they have suddenly taken over the world. Has "You can't trust anyone without tats" become the new "You can't trust anyone over 30"? Maybe, but I've seen plenty of older people show up with brand-new body art. Now it's something you do to feel younger. When your child comes home during his first break as a college freshman, you can almost bet the farm that he or she will be sporting new body art. If you're lucky, the new tattoo won't be the first thing you see when your kid walks through the door. A tattoo used to mean you were in a motorcycle gang. Now it means you can afford to go to college. Heck, kids might be majoring in it. Surely today's tattoo artists make more money than the history, philosophy, fine arts and English majors. The good news is that high-paying jobs in the tattoo industry can't be outsourced to China. Tattooing has to be done right here at home by highly trained and board-certified artists. No, wait, I'm sorry; I was misinformed. Tattoos can be done by almost anyone. Not that there's any danger in it. What's the worst that can happen? You might have to walk around with a tattoo of "Mom" misspelled on your bicep for a few months until you can get it expensively lasered off. It's hard to watch a basketball or football game without asking yourself, when did all this happen? Instead of watching the ball, I am looking at the arms of the players, inked from wrist to shoulder, and trying to figure out what the pictures are. Some tattoos seem to have inspirational words mixed in among the symbols and figures, but things move so fast you can't read them. Obviously, this is high art with deep meaning, something the tattooed have thought long and hard about, unlike say, whether or not to have children with their current crush. Some things are permanent; some are not. Here's the thing that really bothers me about tattoos. Now that the elders have them, what will teens have to do to freak out their parents? Coming home with your name tattooed in Gothic typeface around your neck isn't likely to raise the hackles of someone who has done the same thing. Maybe they'll rebel by getting crew cuts and wearing Perry Como sweaters and taking dates to the hop. Their parents will wring their hands, wondering what they did wrong. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: Not at home on the range WE'RE HAVING A BABY! My Little Pony cookbook Musings on the mutability of time The envelope, please! The car of the future Where's Gutenberg when you need him? You are what you watch Today's special: Cacophony, with a side order of the flu His and her movies WARNING: The local gym may be hazardous to your health The Starbucks Gap Meat-free holiday about as happy as a heart attack All I don't want is another gadget We went to the fiscal cliff and all i got was this stupid t-shirt Some years, you just want to stay home The first Thanksgiving family feud Spamming the globe Suburban mall is an endangered species Worthless heist: Only in the world fine arts The debate debate Looking for a shortcut to penury? Buy a car The pros and cons of a chicken tattoo Does saying 'no' make us bad grandparents? Crying 'foul' over ballpark proposals College loans and job-search groans That buzzing you hear is the sound of time flying Too much of anything can get annoying Five billionth in line for the throne WARNING! This article may cause drowsiness The mail and email of the species Jotting down the un-bucket list Bees deliver stinging fashion critique Have a tissue issue? Help is a phone call away My guy's guys are better than your guy's guys Divorce, Facebook style Millionaires are a dime a dozen What not to name the baby Technology is a wonderful thing -- when it works A bad case of the wedding bill blues Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials FOOD FIGHT! Rolling Stoned Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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