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Jewish World Review March 15, 2012/ 21 Adar, 5772 DNA and Me: Family Facts not Genome for Years By Ron Hart
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
My best friend from college died suddenly of the "widow maker" in November. At his funeral all my guy friends vowed to be proactive with our health. I'm not sure why — we all hate each other — but a promise is a promise.
So I took one of those DNA tests, the ones that tell you of your genetic predisposition for certain diseases. Forewarned is forearmed, so it made sense. I am a hypochondriac, a lifelong hobby, so this was cool.
By testing the results of what you spit into a tube, your genetic background can be mapped out. It shows you where your family is originally from and to whom you are related. The "23andMe" test correctly identified relatives in all parts of the country whence my family hails. DNA is very accurate and important to scientists, but not so much to Los Angeles juries.
This is good news for tracing our kin. We can now keep up with family members without using our traditional methods, police scanner radio or watching Cops. Like most families, when you get in an argument with certain members of mine there is that point about half-way through it that you no longer feel safe.
I have maintained a fine relationship with my relatives by simply never talking to them. When I do hear from them, it usually goes, "Ahh, could you just make that out to 'cash'?"
I found that about 5,000 years ago, some of my European ancestors were vegans. My working theory is that they were killed by meat-eaters because they would not stop telling everyone else they were vegans.
Most Hart men are six feet tall now, depending on the height charts in the liquor stores we are leaving, but this was not always the case. I have ancestors who were 4'11" tall, which was pretty normal for the times. It was not like they were going to get on amusement park rides in 800 BCE.
Today, most fear a DNA test more than a registered letter. Hopefully, this will change over time because there is so much good that can come from knowing your genetic construct.
My father's family is well documented; we are descendants of John Hart, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. We are also related to actress Faye Dunaway. For you kids out there, she did talkie movies before the silent Oscar winner ones of today.
One thing we know, my family is very white. The Harts make Mitt Romney's family look like runaway slaves.
But here is where it gets interesting. My mom's side of the family is from agrarian Pittsview, Alabama, a town about the size of the Osmond family. My DNA results show that some of my forefathers apparently got all "Thomas Jefferson" with some of the help. For the home-schooled kids, the two dollar bill is not the only tender on which Thomas Jefferson is known to appear.
After my DNA test results were in, I was emailed by an African-American woman who is my fourth cousin. At first I was shocked and not sure what she wanted. I feared we owed her family 40 acres and mule, or some form of reparations, or at least an apology for George Wallace. Knowing how torturous my family is to be around at Thanksgiving, I cannot imagine the pain we must have inflicted on, let's say, more distant relatives. I braced for the worst.
She started by saying she read my columns and has a Master's in Social Science, so I am thinking, "This not going to go well." Surprisingly, she really liked them and wrote a wonderful missive expanding on points I had made about government health care, etc. Just when you think the prejudice thing is great and working out for you, you get presented with something like this!
She, and the rest of my family, have been good citizens. We have paid more in taxes that we have never mooched off others. We Harts and Martins have always left the campground cleaner than we found it. And we take care of our own. All in all, my family is pretty normal. Every family has that crazy uncle, but, as I look around mine, I am starting to fear that I might be he.
Connecting with family is important. We all are going to compromise our hopes and dreams, get old, fat, and diseased. So it is nice to have family around for that.
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© 2010 Ron Hart
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