News of the Weird: Least Competent Criminals; Classic
To conceal an arrest warrant for auto theft, Amos Ashley, 62, told traffic-stop officers in Lawrenceburg, Ind., in February that he was (as he wrote on a paper for them) "Rorth Taylor." ("Pronounce it," ordered a trooper.) "Robert Taylor." ("Spell it once more, please.") "R-e-r-e-r-t," wrote Ashley. ("And 'Taylor'?") "T-a-y-l-o-e-r." Several more attempts followed, until Ashley finally admitted his name and was arrested. [WLWT-TV (Cincinnati), 2-18-2011]
Police in Princess Anne, Md., arrested George Ballard, 25, inside a PNC Bank at 11 p.m. on Jan. 25 after a motion detector sounded. Officers said the "cash" Ballard was in the process of taking was in fact a stack of fake bills the bank uses for training. [WBAL-TV (Baltimore), 1-28-2011]
Doug Guetzloe, one of central Florida's most prominent political operatives (and a subject of investigations by the Florida Elections Commission and an expressway commission in Orlando), had long infuriated prosecutors with his slippery denials of knowledge of unethical campaigns that they were certain he was deeply involved in. However, late (in 2006), Guetzloe missed a payment on his rental storage locker, and 50 boxes of his professional and personal records were seized and auctioned for $10 to a curious citizen, who then gave them to Orlando's WKMG-TV, which had several earlier investigations of Guetzloe still open. Based on early readings of the storage-locker papers, Guetzloe was quickly indicted for felony perjury.