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Jewish World Review March 21, 2011 / 15 Adar II, 5771 Facebook, LinkedIn and the Zuckerberg Exit By Alan Douglas
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Attention spans, friendships and relationships have short lives these days. LinkedIn helps you avoid people by archiving invitations for eternity. My favorite is the "Zuckerberg Exit," on Facebook. Last week, one of my relatives was horrified, hurt, and humiliated when her cousin "defriended" her on Facebook. It is the modern way of announcing that you aren't "speaking" to someone.
Famed showman P.T. Barnum utilized human curiosity and foibles to make money. Sensational and exciting were his stock in trade. People paid admissions to his circus and exhibitions to be shocked. In one instance he enticed crowds to pay admission to a tent with a large sign reading, "See the Giant Egress to the rear." And sure enough, Barnum's customers, not knowing what manner of beast or oddity an Egress was, wanted to see one. They left the tent puzzled, figuring they must have missed something. Had they carried around a dictionary they would have identified an egress as an exit. We are all suckers sooner or later. We may not want to appear foolish or unsophisticated so we fail to "look" prior to "leaping."
Bad investments, awful relationships, taking the wrong job can be due to vanity, poor judgment, ignorance, or passion. Next time you are considering invading another country, or signing up for a three year subscription, remember Mark Twain's general warning that, "Staying out is easier than getting out." And what happens when we feel we have been wronged?
Most of us confuse "responsibility" with "causation." The common perception is that if you caused it, then you are responsible. But the law makes a distinction between the two concepts. After all, lawyer's get paid by the hour and if it were simple, it wouldn't be expensive. Just because you did it, does not make you responsible. If you could shoot what you think is a tree stump, and if it turns out to be someone's head, are you guilty of murder? You caused their death but the law defines murder as requiring that you intended to kill them. That intent, called "mensrea", is an essential element of the crime of murder. Without mensrea you are not guilty (responsible) for the crime of murder. You might be guilty of gross and reckless behavior as in manslaughter, etc. Juries are instructed by the Judge to get inside the defendant's head and determine if they intended to shoot the tree or the person. It is a subjective test. It depends upon if you, not the average person, intended the action.
Not all crimes are the basis for subjective scrutiny. You might be guilty of some crimes due to your reckless conduct, or negligence. And everything isn't a crime, it might be a civil transgression. If you drop a lit match, it probably will cause a fire. The fire burns down your house, and then the fire is spread by gale force winds and causes all of the houses in your town to burn down. Are you responsible? The test is not subjective in this case, but objective. We don't care what was going on in your mind. Would the average, reasonable person have foreseen that dropping a lit match in their home could cause the whole town to burn down? So you have to act as a reasonable person would act if you don't want to be held liable or responsible for some acts. Was there actual causation? What was intended? Could a reasonable person foresee the damage? The tests depend upon the criminal or civil law that applies.
In personal relationships we rarely apply such logic. It is easier just to not talk about it. When it comes to personal relationships, I advocate adoption of, "The Great Egress Rules" which requires,
How many people have gone through life wondering what was wrong with them? How many people kept questioning their attractiveness, intelligence, or value, to the point where they lost their confidence? If you left an employer because you got a better offer, tell them. It is more honest and less damaging (most of the time) to seal the lid on it with closure. Should you choose to end a friendship, do it properly. Benjamin Franklin's made clear his regard, respect, and intent when he wrote a member of the British Parliament, "You and I were long friends: you are now my enemy and I am yours."
What you think is so obvious about your wound, may not even be visible to those closest to you. Before you pout and stew, consider the harm inflicted on you in light of "causation" and "responsibility" and communicate with the other person. The Giant Egress Rules may not save the relationship, they might not make you feel better, and perhaps they won't give you closure - but they are the right thing to do.
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JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.
Simon Bolivar Would Tell Glenn Beck to, Put A Sock In It
© 2010 Alan Douglas
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