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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 21, 2011 / 15 Adar II, 5771

Facebook, LinkedIn and the Zuckerberg Exit

By Alan Douglas




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Attention spans, friendships and relationships have short lives these days. LinkedIn helps you avoid people by archiving invitations for eternity. My favorite is the "Zuckerberg Exit," on Facebook. Last week, one of my relatives was horrified, hurt, and humiliated when her cousin "defriended" her on Facebook. It is the modern way of announcing that you aren't "speaking" to someone.

Famed showman P.T. Barnum utilized human curiosity and foibles to make money. Sensational and exciting were his stock in trade. People paid admissions to his circus and exhibitions to be shocked. In one instance he enticed crowds to pay admission to a tent with a large sign reading, "See the Giant Egress to the rear." And sure enough, Barnum's customers, not knowing what manner of beast or oddity an Egress was, wanted to see one. They left the tent puzzled, figuring they must have missed something. Had they carried around a dictionary they would have identified an egress as an exit. We are all suckers sooner or later. We may not want to appear foolish or unsophisticated so we fail to "look" prior to "leaping."

Bad investments, awful relationships, taking the wrong job can be due to vanity, poor judgment, ignorance, or passion. Next time you are considering invading another country, or signing up for a three year subscription, remember Mark Twain's general warning that, "Staying out is easier than getting out." And what happens when we feel we have been wronged?

Most of us confuse "responsibility" with "causation." The common perception is that if you caused it, then you are responsible. But the law makes a distinction between the two concepts. After all, lawyer's get paid by the hour and if it were simple, it wouldn't be expensive. Just because you did it, does not make you responsible. If you could shoot what you think is a tree stump, and if it turns out to be someone's head, are you guilty of murder? You caused their death but the law defines murder as requiring that you intended to kill them. That intent, called "mensrea", is an essential element of the crime of murder. Without mensrea you are not guilty (responsible) for the crime of murder. You might be guilty of gross and reckless behavior as in manslaughter, etc. Juries are instructed by the Judge to get inside the defendant's head and determine if they intended to shoot the tree or the person. It is a subjective test. It depends upon if you, not the average person, intended the action.

Not all crimes are the basis for subjective scrutiny. You might be guilty of some crimes due to your reckless conduct, or negligence. And everything isn't a crime, it might be a civil transgression. If you drop a lit match, it probably will cause a fire. The fire burns down your house, and then the fire is spread by gale force winds and causes all of the houses in your town to burn down. Are you responsible? The test is not subjective in this case, but objective. We don't care what was going on in your mind. Would the average, reasonable person have foreseen that dropping a lit match in their home could cause the whole town to burn down? So you have to act as a reasonable person would act if you don't want to be held liable or responsible for some acts. Was there actual causation? What was intended? Could a reasonable person foresee the damage? The tests depend upon the criminal or civil law that applies.

In personal relationships we rarely apply such logic. It is easier just to not talk about it. When it comes to personal relationships, I advocate adoption of, "The Great Egress Rules" which requires,


  • If you are mad or hurt due to the words or actions of another person close to you then you have to speak to the person who hurt you.

  • You cannot complain about someone until you have complained directly to him or her.

  • You can't stop speaking to someone until you have told them you aren't going to speak to them, and you have told them why.


You may feel you are the victim, sucker, or wounded party, but self-pity and rationalization do not justify avoiding an unpleasant situation. Too many self-help books grant you some fictional license to label others as "toxic people" and simply avoid them. Many who claim they "don't want to play games" are really avoiding confrontation or discussions. It can be oral or written communication, but it does have to be communicated. Private or public is your choice based upon circumstances. The Giant Egress Rules do not apply when you will face bodily harm.

How many people have gone through life wondering what was wrong with them? How many people kept questioning their attractiveness, intelligence, or value, to the point where they lost their confidence? If you left an employer because you got a better offer, tell them. It is more honest and less damaging (most of the time) to seal the lid on it with closure. Should you choose to end a friendship, do it properly. Benjamin Franklin's made clear his regard, respect, and intent when he wrote a member of the British Parliament, "You and I were long friends: you are now my enemy and I am yours."

What you think is so obvious about your wound, may not even be visible to those closest to you. Before you pout and stew, consider the harm inflicted on you in light of "causation" and "responsibility" and communicate with the other person. The Giant Egress Rules may not save the relationship, they might not make you feel better, and perhaps they won't give you closure - but they are the right thing to do.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.


Previously:

Simon Bolivar Would Tell Glenn Beck to, ‘Put A Sock In It’
Children and Grandchildren
Swearing, Shoes, and Mark Twain
How my poor man's Porsche, Virgil, prepared me for life
Leases and Landing Gear
The Oscars, Obama and Job Creation
Damages and Penalties
Obstacles with Impossibilities
Making Others Feel Bad
Referrals and Recommendations
Woodpecker Frustration
Phrases, Not Resolutions
I Was A Crime Fighter and Super Hero
Comforting with Sympathizing
Nautical Worry Killers
Can You Keep A Secret?
Holiday Card Hazards
Gifts
Sharing, Transparency and Dumping
Red Alert
Readers Respond Regarding Rabbi
Readers: I Need Your Help with my Rabbi
Humphrey Bogart and P. T. Barnum on Fighting with Family and Friends
Columbus, Honors and Hound Dogs
The Free Lunch
When your child suffers
Conversational Transmitted Diseases
Conservative, Liberal or American
Paris, Antarctica and Shopping
Personal Protection
Dispute Resolution
Jumped or Pushed?
Friends and Acquaintances
Revenge and Vindication

© 2010 Alan Douglas

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