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May 22, 2013

John Thorne: They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman

John Rosemond: 'Disciplinary math' adds up to parental successl

Warren Richey: Are prayers before public meetings OK? Supreme Court to decide
Rick Montgomery: Use of ADHD drugs as study aid raises concern on campuses

Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D.: 6 convincing reasons you should keep carbs in your diet

Eoin O'Carroll: Scientists examine nothing, find something

The Kosher Gourmet by Carole Kotkin: This soup is made from one of the great pleasures of spring: A wonderful pairing of rosy color and earthy tang

May 20, 2013

Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?

Hannan Adely: Town raises Palestinian flag at City Hall

Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Morgan Housel: When smart investors do stupid things

Sharon Saloman, M.S., R.D.: Hunger games: Eat more, weigh less, without starving

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star

The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting

May 13, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation

David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church

Emily Alpert: Recession dragged down birth rates for less-educated women
Morgan Housel: The deep downside of home ownership

Peter Teffer: Will Dutch police soon be stalking cybercriminals on your computer?

Heidi McIndoo, M.S., R.D.: Meatless 'meat' can have its own set of problems

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Celebrate! This must-try appetizer is delicate yet has depth of flavor: Corn-Leek Cakes with Caviar, Smoked Salmon and Creme Fraiche

May 10, 2013

Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be

Caroline B. Glick: The dirty little secret about Israel's Arabs

Mona Charen: Hawking's Moral Calculus: The man and the movement he embraces
Morgan Housel: The biggest retirement myth ever told

Sandi Doughton: Eyes may provide new insight into brain problems

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : The Great Gatsby's Jewish Ties; Jews in the "Time 100 list" List; People's Most Beautiful Women

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A sweet-hot meal: Pear salsa spices up salmon

May 8, 2013

Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas

Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate

Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
Amanda Paulson: Study reveals sad truths about community colleges

Harvard Health Letters: Evidence weak that zinc, echinacea are beneficial

The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility

May 6, 2013

Edmund Sanders and Patrick J. McDonnell: Think Israel's objective in Syria is to weaken Assad or embolden the rebels? Think again

Brian Bennett: Israeli airstrikes may show weakness in Syrian defense

Michael Ollove: Millions of ex-felons, parolees and those on probation are about to be entitled to tax-payer paid health coverage
Karen Kaplan: Most men can skip PSA test for prostate cancer, urologists say

Kimberly Lankford: How to track down a lost life insurance policy

Dream of Mars exploration achievable, experts say

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan M. Selasky: EGGPLANT WRAPS are an easy, sumptuous and scrumptious meal

May 3, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Human Courage and the Unavoidable, Disturbing Text

Steven Emerson: Attorney General Fights CAIR in Court, Lauds it in Public

Mediterranean diet helps beat dementia: study
Harvard Health Letters: When to be screened for a hearing problem

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Iron Man's Jewish Connections; Marc Maron's New TV Show; Martin Landau Grows Up with Israel; Shalom, Allan Arbus

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: A sweet surprise for Mother's Day dessert

May 1, 2013

Jonathan Rosenblum: An Improbable Journey to Orthodoxy

Jonathan Tobin: Blame Obama, Not Israel for Syria Push

Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Halena M. Gazelka, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: What you need to know about implanted pain relief devices

Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine

Jessica Shugart: When it comes to math, MRIs may be better than IQs

The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: The celebrated chef on how high-maintenance ASPARAGUS RISOTTO need not be

April 29, 2013

Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust

Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?

Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Morgan Housel: He's rich, smart and old: Listen to him

Thomas Salinas, D.D.S.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: The safety of amalgam fillings

Harvard Health Letters: Tomatoes and stroke protection

Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Swing into spring with lemon cream pie

April 26, 2013

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The world is a mirror

Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama

Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance

Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen?

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver)

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead

April 24, 2013

Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret

Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on
Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication?

Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.: How to easily get more Omega-3s in your diet

Melissa Healy: Pot in a pill: All the pain relief without the smoke

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: Chipotle Chili Butternut Squash Soup is bold, zesty, hot

April 22, 2013

Ken Dilanian: Counterterrorism's future is unclear

US man departing country arrested on terror charges
Barbara Williams: An unorthodox but growing treatment in a 9-year-old's battle against cancer

P.J. Skerrett, M.D.: How to recognize a good whole grain product

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Teen actor Jonah Bobo in New Flick: Hunky James Wolk on Mad Men; Erich Segal's Daughter Writes Prize-Winning Jewish Novel


Jewish World Review March 21, 2011 / 15 Adar II, 5771

Facebook, LinkedIn and the Zuckerberg Exit

By Alan Douglas




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Attention spans, friendships and relationships have short lives these days. LinkedIn helps you avoid people by archiving invitations for eternity. My favorite is the "Zuckerberg Exit," on Facebook. Last week, one of my relatives was horrified, hurt, and humiliated when her cousin "defriended" her on Facebook. It is the modern way of announcing that you aren't "speaking" to someone.

Famed showman P.T. Barnum utilized human curiosity and foibles to make money. Sensational and exciting were his stock in trade. People paid admissions to his circus and exhibitions to be shocked. In one instance he enticed crowds to pay admission to a tent with a large sign reading, "See the Giant Egress to the rear." And sure enough, Barnum's customers, not knowing what manner of beast or oddity an Egress was, wanted to see one. They left the tent puzzled, figuring they must have missed something. Had they carried around a dictionary they would have identified an egress as an exit. We are all suckers sooner or later. We may not want to appear foolish or unsophisticated so we fail to "look" prior to "leaping."

Bad investments, awful relationships, taking the wrong job can be due to vanity, poor judgment, ignorance, or passion. Next time you are considering invading another country, or signing up for a three year subscription, remember Mark Twain's general warning that, "Staying out is easier than getting out." And what happens when we feel we have been wronged?

Most of us confuse "responsibility" with "causation." The common perception is that if you caused it, then you are responsible. But the law makes a distinction between the two concepts. After all, lawyer's get paid by the hour and if it were simple, it wouldn't be expensive. Just because you did it, does not make you responsible. If you could shoot what you think is a tree stump, and if it turns out to be someone's head, are you guilty of murder? You caused their death but the law defines murder as requiring that you intended to kill them. That intent, called "mensrea", is an essential element of the crime of murder. Without mensrea you are not guilty (responsible) for the crime of murder. You might be guilty of gross and reckless behavior as in manslaughter, etc. Juries are instructed by the Judge to get inside the defendant's head and determine if they intended to shoot the tree or the person. It is a subjective test. It depends upon if you, not the average person, intended the action.

Not all crimes are the basis for subjective scrutiny. You might be guilty of some crimes due to your reckless conduct, or negligence. And everything isn't a crime, it might be a civil transgression. If you drop a lit match, it probably will cause a fire. The fire burns down your house, and then the fire is spread by gale force winds and causes all of the houses in your town to burn down. Are you responsible? The test is not subjective in this case, but objective. We don't care what was going on in your mind. Would the average, reasonable person have foreseen that dropping a lit match in their home could cause the whole town to burn down? So you have to act as a reasonable person would act if you don't want to be held liable or responsible for some acts. Was there actual causation? What was intended? Could a reasonable person foresee the damage? The tests depend upon the criminal or civil law that applies.

In personal relationships we rarely apply such logic. It is easier just to not talk about it. When it comes to personal relationships, I advocate adoption of, "The Great Egress Rules" which requires,


  • If you are mad or hurt due to the words or actions of another person close to you then you have to speak to the person who hurt you.

  • You cannot complain about someone until you have complained directly to him or her.

  • You can't stop speaking to someone until you have told them you aren't going to speak to them, and you have told them why.


You may feel you are the victim, sucker, or wounded party, but self-pity and rationalization do not justify avoiding an unpleasant situation. Too many self-help books grant you some fictional license to label others as "toxic people" and simply avoid them. Many who claim they "don't want to play games" are really avoiding confrontation or discussions. It can be oral or written communication, but it does have to be communicated. Private or public is your choice based upon circumstances. The Giant Egress Rules do not apply when you will face bodily harm.

How many people have gone through life wondering what was wrong with them? How many people kept questioning their attractiveness, intelligence, or value, to the point where they lost their confidence? If you left an employer because you got a better offer, tell them. It is more honest and less damaging (most of the time) to seal the lid on it with closure. Should you choose to end a friendship, do it properly. Benjamin Franklin's made clear his regard, respect, and intent when he wrote a member of the British Parliament, "You and I were long friends: you are now my enemy and I am yours."

What you think is so obvious about your wound, may not even be visible to those closest to you. Before you pout and stew, consider the harm inflicted on you in light of "causation" and "responsibility" and communicate with the other person. The Giant Egress Rules may not save the relationship, they might not make you feel better, and perhaps they won't give you closure - but they are the right thing to do.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.


Previously:

Simon Bolivar Would Tell Glenn Beck to, ‘Put A Sock In It’
Children and Grandchildren
Swearing, Shoes, and Mark Twain
How my poor man's Porsche, Virgil, prepared me for life
Leases and Landing Gear
The Oscars, Obama and Job Creation
Damages and Penalties
Obstacles with Impossibilities
Making Others Feel Bad
Referrals and Recommendations
Woodpecker Frustration
Phrases, Not Resolutions
I Was A Crime Fighter and Super Hero
Comforting with Sympathizing
Nautical Worry Killers
Can You Keep A Secret?
Holiday Card Hazards
Gifts
Sharing, Transparency and Dumping
Red Alert
Readers Respond Regarding Rabbi
Readers: I Need Your Help with my Rabbi
Humphrey Bogart and P. T. Barnum on Fighting with Family and Friends
Columbus, Honors and Hound Dogs
The Free Lunch
When your child suffers
Conversational Transmitted Diseases
Conservative, Liberal or American
Paris, Antarctica and Shopping
Personal Protection
Dispute Resolution
Jumped or Pushed?
Friends and Acquaintances
Revenge and Vindication

© 2010 Alan Douglas

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