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May 13, 2013
David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on
April 22, 2013
US man departing country arrested on terror charges
Barbara Williams: An unorthodox but growing treatment in a 9-year-old's battle against cancer
April 19, 2013
Caroline B. Glick: Why Obama's visit to Israel had no impact on public opinion or government policy
Morgan Housel: Gold collapse: The start of something big?
Pete Spotts: Livable super-Earths? Two candidates among Kepler's latest finds
April 17, 2013
Shira Rubin: Too much of a good thing? 'Palestinians' realize downside of foreign aid boom
Morgan Housel: BAD NEWS: EVERYONE IS RIGHT!
April 15, 2013
Kristen Chick: Egyptian Christians respond with harsh words to attack -- rocks, Molotov cocktails, and gunfire -- against main cathedral
Marcy Darnovsky and Karuna Jaggar: High Court to decide if you should own your DNA
Howard LaFranchi: US bracing for more Russian blowback after taking action against 18 more human rights violators
April 12, 2013
Mark Clayton: New cybersecurity bill: Privacy threat or crucial band-aid?
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jackie Robinson's Friend, Hank Greenberg; CNN's Jake Tapper; Texas County in the News is named for 19thC. Jewish soldier and Congressman
The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: FRUITY QUINOA STUFFED PEPPERS: A flavorful, colorful and edible vessel of delicately fluffy, mildly nutty filling combined with chewy apricots, tangy cherries, and crunchy pistachios
April 10, 2013
Peter Grier: North Korean missiles: Could US shoot them down?
Morgan Housel: Warning: Don't waste your capital being fooled by profit prophets
Donald Hensrud, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Take vitamin supplements with caution --- even approved, they may actually do damage
Eryn Brown: 74 DNA discoveries move cure closer for three cancers
April 8, 2013
Jonathan Tobin: What Part of No Preconditions Do American Jews Not Get?
Fred Weir: Is Putin finally trading his own party for a new power base?
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Jewish World Review
Money-making ideas on the fly
By
Jim Mullen
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I don't know why it's taken so long but based on a recent trip I took (first piece of luggage $20, second piece, $45), it's pretty obvious that the airlines have finally figured out that the passengers are the problem with their business model.
"You know what we're doing wrong?" I can hear the CEO of Amalgamated Consolidated Air say at a board meeting. "We're treating these people like they're royalty. We give them big luxurious seats, a fold-down tray and then we pamper them with half a can of free soda and a miniature bag of peanuts. Where else would you get that kind of a deal for $1,100 a head?
"Who do they think they are, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip? All we do is give, give, give, and they take advantage of our good nature. Where else would you get all that service for free?"
"By 'free' you mean 'pay through the nose,' don't you?" says his chief financial officer.
"If you're going to quibble over every little word, we'll never get anything done. What I'm saying is that they're paying for the seat, not all the little extras we give them like windows, recycled air and working toilets. That stuff cost a fortune, and we're just giving it away."
"So you're thinking of pay toilets?"
"Not until you just mentioned it, but I like it. I like it a lot. Give yourself a million-dollar raise. And give me a two-million-dollar raise. You know that oxygen mask that drops down in case of an emergency? Not any more. Not until you put a ten-dollar bill into a slot on the back of the seat in front of you."
"Did I tell you that our revenue is down because once we started charging $25 for each piece of luggage, people really cut back on it," the CFO says.
"Can we charge them for not taking luggage? Like a night club with a two-drink minimum?"
"But we don't want them to bring their luggage."
"OK, I've just had a brainstorm. Make it $100 for two pieces of luggage, $50 for no luggage. Do I smell a bonus?"
"Why can't they just take the corporate jet the way we do? I wouldn't fly coach on one of our planes on a bet."
"Oh please, I don't even want to think about it. Cattle veal get more leg room. And better feed."
"If only people would stop taking things like clothes and toothbrushes with them on business trips and vacations, it would make things so much easier. Why don't they just leave all their stuff at home and buy new clothes when they get to wherever they're going, like we do? Why take golf clubs and skis with you? Just buy new ones and leave them in the hotel for the next guy. Pretty soon, no one would have to take anything anywhere."
"That's right. When you book a hotel room, you don't bring your own bed and sheets and TV. No one expects you to bring your own. So why doesn't every hotel room have a desktop computer and a closet full of clothes in your size? It would save us a ton of money."
"And if nobody took luggage, we could get rid of the baggage carousel and put something down there that would generate revenue. Like a casino."
"I like it! Casino Air. It'd be the best thing since riverboat gambling. Look into that, see if we can put slot machines in every seat. Is it legal to gamble eight miles over a state? We could even let them bet on whether their flight will be canceled due to weather or equipment failure, or by how many minutes they'll miss their connecting flight."
"You know what's strange? Here we are in the airline business and the only thing we don't make money on is the flying. We lose billions and billions of dollars year after year. Why are we doing it? Why don't we sell the whole thing and get into a business that makes money?"
"But I do make money."
"I mean for the business, not for yourself."
"What are you? A communist? I didn't get to be where I am today by making money. I don't know anything about that. I'm a CEO, not a miracle worker."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
Previously:
Collecting and hoarding
Chain of fools
Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
He loves only gold, only gold
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like wack Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
Music to my ears it's not
You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from Little House
A parable for the ages
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative juice
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping
© 2009, NEA
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