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June 19, 2013

Peter Grier and Harry Bruinius: In the end, NSA might not need to snoop so secretly after all

Howard LaFranchi: Taliban peace talks hold glimmer of hope, but also unanswerable questions

Warren Richey: Supreme Court: For right to remain silent, a suspect must speak
Meredith Cohn: Leeches are making a comeback as medical helpers

Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.: How to pick the healthiest breakfast cereal

The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: Spicy Double Chocolate Banana Muffins

June 17, 2013

Rabbi Simcha Weinstein: Black to the Future: American Apparel Gets Biblical

Patrik Jonsson: Minnesota Nazi: How did Nazi hunters miss Michael Karkoc?

Kate Irby, Ali Watkins, Trevor Graff and Kevin Thibodeaux: All the ways you're being watched
Don Lee: G-8 meeting will test NSA leaks' effect on U.S. influence

Patrik Jonsson: Fort Hood shooting: Judge nixes Nidal Hasan defense strategy. What now?

Stacey Burling: Why the stigma for migraine sufferers?

The Kosher Gourmet by Lisa Abraham: Does it work? 5 new kitchen gadgets put to the test

June 14, 2013

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: A spiritual budget: Religious economics and being a ruler

John P. Martin: Hitler insider's missing diary found

Matt Pearce: NSA surveillance disclosure could affect court cases
Peter Tinti: US bounties changes strategy on (Wild, Wild) West African jihadis

Daniel Pendrick, M.D.: Memory loss? Old age may be the least of it

Lauren F. Friedman: But it's all natural! Should we have an instinctive preference for herbal remedies?

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Streisand and Alicia Keys in Israel; "Girls" Stuff; Mel Brooks, Another TV special; Superman (who is Jewish) returns --- Israeli plays his mom

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon K. Ghag : Bored with salad? Bling it up a bit (4 effortless recipes that will result in a 'WOW!')

June 12, 2013

Stephanie Hanes: Little girls or little women? The Disney princess effect

Fred Weir: In tweak to US, Russia would 'consider' asylum for Snowden

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: What's so special about Omega-3 supplements?
Morgan Housel: What newspapers were saying when you should have been buying

Pete Spotts: How cockroaches evolved so as to bypass 'roach motels'

The Kosher Gourmet by Anjali Prasertong: Deep-dish cookie: Warm, gooey and a little over the top

June 10, 2013

Joseph A. Slobodzian: Faith healing and third degree murder: Thorny legal case
Lindsay Wise: Few options for online users to avoid spying, experts say

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: There are plenty of nutritional food bargains out there
Harvard Health Letters: Can bariatric surgery control diabetes?

Zach Murdock: Superglue helps doctors save infant's life

The Kosher Gourmet by Celebrated chef Mario Batali : As good as grilling gets: Rib eye with dry mushroom spice rub

June 7, 2013

Rabbi David Aaron: Beating jealousy

Caroline B. Glick: Wounded . . . and dangerous

Clifford D. May: Al Qaeda vs. Hezbollah
Harvard Health Letters: Fighting back against allergy season

Kimberly Lankford: Grandparents who use FSA to cover grandkid's braces and other must-know info

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom:J ewish Tony Nominees/Tony Awards; Jewish Teen Actor In Sci-Fi Flick; Jewish singer in "Voice" finals

The Kosher Gourmet by Anjali Prasertong: A tart filling so good it might not make it to the crust

June 5, 2013

John Rosemond: Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less

Kristen Chick: Egypt court sentences 43 pro-democracy workers to prison

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: Mushrooms Have Medicinal As Well As Culinary Value
Morgan Housel: Why you never learn from your investment mistakes

Don Lee: In China, kindergarten rivalry takes deadly turn

The Kosher Gourmet by Sara Kate Gillingham-Ryan: 30-Minute Coq au Vin isn't a dream

June 3, 2013

Molly Hennessy-Fiske: Military judge to consider letting Fort Hood shooting defendant represent himself

Richard A. Serrano: Pvt. Bradley Manning's WikiLeaks trial also a test for government

Mark Trumbull: Have degree, driving cab: Nearly half of college grads are overqualified
Kim Lankford: What to do when long-term care insurance premiums rise

Deborah Netburn: Study: Adults' mouth bacteria may help babies

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Contestant on 'The Voice'; Will Smith's 'Jewish movie family'; Bravo Gives Long Island Jews the Jersey Shore Treatment; Magicians and More

The Kosher Gourmet by Bill Ward: How to be as refined as the wines at a wine tasting

May 29, 2013

Andrew Connelly and Helene Bienvenu: The Little Synagogue that Refused to Die

Dennis Prager: The 'Muslims-Killed-by-the-West' Lie

David Clark Scott: Open war on teachers?
Morgan Housel: If you know only five things about investing, make it these

Sara Reardon: AGenome detectives change the donation game

Deborah Netburn: A one-way ticket to Mars? 78,000-plus and counting apply by video

The Kosher Gourmet by Bev Bennett: CHEDDAR AND CHERRY MUFFINS --- your mouth is already watering

May 24, 2013

Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb: When I didn't so 'humbly disagree'

Caroline B. Glick: Thank you, Hafez al-Assad

Diana West: From the Brooklyn Bridge to London
Morgan Housel: Why spotting bubbles is so much harder than you think

Environmental Nutrition editors: NuVal labeling to the rescue?

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Memorial Day: Jews Serving and KIA in War on Terror; Liberace Bio-Pic; Jew Wins "Survivor"; Shalom, Dr. Brothers; More

The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen: HIDE THESE FROZEN TREATS FROM THE KIDDIES!: Sangria pops; Irish cream pudding pops; mango Lassi pops

May 22, 2013

John Thorne: They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman

John Rosemond: 'Disciplinary math' adds up to parental successl

Warren Richey: Are prayers before public meetings OK? Supreme Court to decide
Rick Montgomery: Use of ADHD drugs as study aid raises concern on campuses

Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D.: 6 convincing reasons you should keep carbs in your diet

Eoin O'Carroll: Scientists examine nothing, find something

The Kosher Gourmet by Carole Kotkin: This soup is made from one of the great pleasures of spring: A wonderful pairing of rosy color and earthy tang

May 20, 2013

Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?

Hannan Adely: Town raises Palestinian flag at City Hall

Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Morgan Housel: When smart investors do stupid things

Sharon Saloman, M.S., R.D.: Hunger games: Eat more, weigh less, without starving

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star

The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting


Jewish World Review March 25, 2010 / 10 Nissan 5770

The Rules of Interaction

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | So I'm hard at work doing column research at a local coffee shop, my attention focused on a YouTube video of a cigarette-smoking chimpanzee, when a woman at a neighboring table interrupts to ask if I would mind watching her laptop, presumably while she goes to the bathroom.

Of course I agreed. Only a jerk would refuse such a simple request. Plus, I couldn't think of a good excuse before she walked away. This sort of thing has happened to me before, and I'm always left wondering what, precisely, I've agreed to. All I said was that I would "watch" the laptop. Would I be honoring our little oral contract if a thief snatched it up and ran out, as long as I kept my eye on the proceedings?

Her: "Hey, where's my laptop?!"
Me: "Gone. It got stolen."
Her: "What? Did you see what happened?"
Me: "Absolutely. I watched the whole thing."

OK, that wouldn't go over so well. But on the flip side, what are my responsibilities? Having agreed to perform laptop guard duty, what kind of intervention am I required to perform to protect a stranger's property? Do I have to take a bullet for her laptop?

In truth, I understand perfectly well, without having to be specifically told, just what is expected of me in this little transaction - that I will make sure the laptop is still there when she returns, and if it's not, well, then she'll be able to provide the police with a pretty good description of the thief ("medium height, brown hair, easily distracted by dopey YouTube videos, etc.). It's just one example of the countless unwritten but nearly universally understood social codes that govern so much of human interactions.

Admittedly, some of these guidelines are explicitly laid out, such as when we pass along to our children the oft-repeated life lessons we first heard from our own parents. Lessons like "Chew with your mouth closed," "Always say 'please' and 'thank you'" and "If Daddy gets pulled over by the cops, just look straight ahead and keep your mouths shut." You know, the basics.

But for the most part, true socialization occurs when we learn to extrapolate from these explicit rules to understand the countless subtle, unspoken guidelines of proper interpersonal behavior. These are the rules we don't give much thought to - not until someone steps out of line and breaks them, that is. Rules like, "Don't crowd another person who's using an ATM," "Don't take groceries out of someone else's cart and put them into yours," and "At a dinner party, if the hostess excuses herself to go to the bathroom and is gone for 10 minutes, don't greet her return by saying, 'What'd you, fall in?'"

Problems arise, of course, when we don't all agree on the same set of unspoken rules. Cultural factors, personal preferences and changing social norms all collide to form wide swaths of gray, smudgy portions of the social contract. Take, for example, the question of whether it's acceptable to talk during a movie.

"Yes, it's OK," some might say. "As long as you keep your voice low, there's nothing wrong with making the occasional insightful comment to a theater-going companion."

"No, it's not," others might reply. "It's distracting, and it can ruin the movie. You were bad enough about this when we got married, Malcolm, but now I can barely tolerate going to the movies with you any more. Oh, and believe me, your comments are not all that insightful."

So, clearly, reasonable people can disagree. And lord knows we do. When it comes to human interactions, a simple question like "Who should pick up the check on a blind date?" can inspire heated marital arguments and dozens of letters to advice columnists, not to mention impact major world events (many historians now believe that the tide of the 1960 presidential election turned against Nixon when he waffled about whether toilet paper should unroll in the "overhand" or "underhand" fashion).

Despite all the contention, the ongoing struggle to separate out the black and white in the midst of all this gray helps make life interesting, plus it's one things that definitively separates us from the animals. Along with the ability to lick our own privates. Although, lord knows, if we could, that would just provide more fodder for debate:

"Dear Abby,
I've been with my boyfriend for six months, and we love each other very much. I can see myself marrying him one day, except for one problem that keeps cropping up..."


Meanwhile, my fellow coffee shop patron finally appears to be on her way back to relieve me of laptop duty. And just to prove that I've learned my lesson about proper social norms, this time I won't ask whether she fell in.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:


01/09/10: A ride of passage
12/26/09: The Family Power Struggle Goes On… 10/26/09: Rapidly approaching fuddyduddy-hood
06/20/09: Waging a backyard turf war
02/20/09: The Sties Have It
04/30/09: Planning of the Apes
04/08/09: No more phoning it in
02/26/09: Tuning in to the English Channel
02/19/09: 25 AND COUNTING
02/13/09: A new life, dead ahead
01/29/09: NOW STARRING ... EVERYBODY!
01/15/09: You know the type
01/08/09: Just in time, here comes 2009
11/20/08: Hotels go for the green
11/06/08: Something does not compute
10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances
10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders
10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances
09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria
08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion)
06/24/08: Getting the brand back together
05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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