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In this issue
Nov. 20, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: How to make every second of your life come first
Caroline B. Glick: Whither American Jewry
Nov. 19, 2009
Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: Please Listen to this Godcast (5 minutes)
Jonathan Tobin: ADL Crosses the Line with Report Bashing Obama Critics
Nov. 18, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: What Judaism has to say about the secret of the Mona Lisa's smile
JWisdom.com: The (Jewish) Dating Game with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
Nov. 17, 2009
Steven Emerson: How Does the 4th Amendment Impact Terror Finance Investigations?
JWisdom.com: If Frank Sinatra married Edith Piaf with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein (2 minutes) Life lessons from what would be regarded as the most inappropriate lyrics ever sung
Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
JWisdom.com Does God get tired? with Rabbi Harvey Belovski ( 5 minutes)
Nov. 11, 2009
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Jews and money: When anti-Semitism isn't
JWisdom.com Marriages are not made in Heaven with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (VERY fast 15 minutes)
Nov. 10, 2009
Michael Doyle: Author of book exposing CAIR ordered to remove supporting documents from Web
JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review

Collecting karma

By Jim Mullen


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I got a letter from a collection agency representing one of my doctors. One of my many, many doctors. Let's see, they can open your chest and transplant your heart, they can reattach your arm, they can drill a hole in your head and remove a brain tumor, but they can't send out a bill in a timely fashion? If the billing department practiced surgery, they'd reattach your heart to your arm and insert brain tumors into your head.


The bill I got was for a
frangiomicodebluepulmintisismialrhemstaccardioheumictomy, date of service four years ago. There were absolutely no hints or clues as to what this procedure might have been or what it was for, no explanation for why my insurance didn't pay for it. More important, did it cure me? Of what? And if it didn't work, should I still pay the bill?


If anyone but a doctor or a hospital had sent me a bill like that, I'd laugh in their face. First of all, what is a
frangiomicodebluepulmintisismialrhemstaccardioheumictomy, and how do I even know I got one? Can't they figure out a way to say whatever this is in English? I wonder now how many bills I've paid over the years for things that they just made up? It took years of arm-twisting to finally get credit card companies and lawyers to write contracts in plain English. And they do. In type so small you can fit 60 pages of it on a micro-dot. If I ever want to smuggle secret documents, I know right where to go. My credit card company. Not that the plain-English contracts did any good; they say exactly what they used to say when they were written in High Lawyer. "In case anything goes wrong, it's not our fault, it's yours. Sign this or we'll come to your house and tease your pets."


Like the French, doctors have a different word for everything. I remember mine saying, "You've had a mild infarction," and I said, "That's funny, I thought it felt just like a heart attack." Why can't they speak English?


In plain English, a doctor's bill should say, "For sticking one gloved finger where it didn't belong — $645.82."


"For that blood test where they had to poke you four times before they found a vein — $112.82."


"For taking some blood out of you, mixing it with nuclear waste, then injecting it back into your body to see what your lower frastallicmatzroid looks like — $2367.81."


"For the guy who analyzes frastallicmatzroid test — $1,744.19."


"For frastallicmatzroid technician — $1,109.84."


If my credit card statement had a charge for a
frangiomicodebluepulmintisismialrhemstaccardioheumictomy procedure, I'd call their fraud unit in a heartbeat, but if it comes from the doctor's office, we pay it. But, apparently, there was a bill I didn't pay. To add insult to injury, they put my account in collection for $60 and change. These were the same people who have received hundreds of thousands of dollars from my insurance company and me over the years. Where's the note that says, "Thanks, we appreciate all your business. Keep smoking and drinking and eating that junk food you like so much, it's putting our kids through Harvard Med. Your friends on the crash cart. P.S. Keep the 60 bucks."? I think I should have been rewarded for being a repeat customer, not penalized. I should have been getting a volume discount. I should have been getting Reward Points. I should be getting a card that says "Spend 10 nights at County General and get the 11th night free!" I spent $600 with my mechanic last year and he sent me a Christmas card. I spent $100,000 at my doctor's hospital and I get a note from a collection agency.


Thanks, Doc. Hope you never get sick.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."


Previously:


Setting loose the creative ‘juice’
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping



© 2009, NEA

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