Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Invest in gold: little, yellow, different

By Jim Mullen


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | CNN (Colonial News Network) June 1804

"Nothing has been heard from Lewis and Clark since they left St. Louis in mid-May. They are presumed dead, and the $2,500 Congress gave them to explore the Louisiana Purchase is down the outhouse. Should President Jefferson be impeached? Tonight at 8 p.m., King Larry wonders what kind of president would send these men to their untimely demise merely to explore something most experts say was a useless waste of money. Be sure to watch 'Is the Jefferson Presidency a Failure or a Disaster?' tonight, followed by our special report 'Why, O, Why Didn't We Elect Aaron Burr President?' Coming up right after this word from Robert's Buckled Shoes, poll results showing Jefferson's approval ratings lower than John Adams' and 50 points lower than George Washington's."


"Robert's, the first name in buckled footwear. Handmade by the best-trained small children and indentured servants money can buy. Buy one shoe, get the other one free."


"Have you thought about investing in gold? Many financial advisers recommend gold as a part of a diversified portfolio. Do you know that gold has risen 10,000 percent compared to worthless scrip issued by the Continental Congress? Gold will keep its value during revolutions, currency collapses and runs on any bank. Consider gold."


"Are you using the right wig powder? Most wig powders make men look old and cranky. Isn't it time you tried Muswell's Wig Powder? Remember, Muswell's Wig Powder never turns green in the jar. Only at your barber or surgeon's."


CSNBCCN (Can't See No Bank Crash Coming Network) Wednesday, Oct. 23, 1929 "Tonight on 'Margin Call' our traders will tell you the best place to borrow money to buy more stocks, and as always we'll bring you the latest rumors, as soon as we hear them.


Here's a story we just picked up from a reliable Grub Street gadabout: It seems millionaire Joe Kennedy was getting his spats waxed this morning and the shoeshine boy gave him a stock tip. He called his broker and said, 'When the shoeshine boy is giving stock tips it's time to get out of the market,' and he sold all his stocks. Talk about panic selling. There's no telling how much he'll lose by not being in this bull market. Don't forget to watch tonight's special 'Will Hoover be the First President to Win a Third Term?' at 9 p.m., right after 'What Have You Got To Lose,' our nightly panel of stock-tipping experts. Believe me, they know more than any mere buffer and polisher. We'll be right back with more up-to-the-minute stock market news after these important commercial announcements."


"Have you thought about investing in gold? Many financial advisers recommend gold as a part of your portfolio. Do you know that gold has risen 10,000 percent compared to rhinestones and mixed-breed whelps? Gold will keep its value during good times and bad."


"What brand of cigarette do you smoke, Doctor? That question was asked of 113,597 sawbones and tonic-sellers. The brand named most was Camel. Remember, more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette."


POCM (Pundits on Crystal Meth Network) March 2009


"Obama's been president for over two months now and my 401(k) plan is still in the Honey Bucket. When is he going to do something? Can we impeach him? How did he cause such a big mess in two months? It took other presidents years to do this much damage. We'll be back after this commercial break with our special 'Why Aren't We Running the Country?' at 9 p.m. followed by 'Voters — What the Hell's Wrong with Them?'


"Have you thought about investing in gold? Many financial advisers recommend gold as a part of your portfolio. Do you know that gold has held its value compared to real estate and your 401(k)? Shouldn't gold be in your portfolio?

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."


Previously:


Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative ‘juice’
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping



© 2009, NEA

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles