Home
In this issue
December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 21, 2008 / 14 Adar II 5768

Experience of 18 years contradicts ‘experts’

By Marybeth Hicks



Printer Friendly Version

Email this article


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There was a time when my family practically had our own exam room at the pediatrician's office. Four children meant we had four sets of ears to infect, four sets of tonsils that eventually had to come out and four bodies to measure, mend and medicate.


Winters blew in with wind, ice, snow and viruses. I had the doctor's office on speed dial and even mastered the art of getting in right after lunch break for the quickest service. I was a pro, pediatrically speaking.


Without my noticing, my trips to the pediatrician began to taper off. I went from being a "frequent flier" mom who knew the names of all the nurses on the office staff to a mom of four relatively healthy children whose medical needs could be handled in annual check-ups and the occasional office visit.


Well, the other day brought an occasional office visit.


Jimmy contracted the crud that apparently is making its way through the eighth grade, causing fever, a painful cough, a nose that runs like a river and, because he's a guy, a disposition typical of the male of the species when afflicted with disease (hint: rhymes with "gimpy").


So here we are, in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office, where my lanky teenager looks overgrown and out of place among the brightly colored kiddie furniture and the video monitor playing Disney favorites in the corner.


Jimmy slumps in his chair, drops his head back and groans for a tissue. I hand him a box of Kleenex and then reach for something to read, absent-mindedly picking up a magazine for parents.


There's a beautiful baby on the cover and headlines touting stories about picky eaters, finding the best deals for family vacations and how to "steal time from the kids for romance," an article I assume will be short and hopeful, but largely useless.


Flipping pages, I look for something that might be relevant for a woman who already has handled toilet training, my first teacher conference and discovering my child has told a lie. There are some things you don't have to revisit, thank goodness.


What's this? An article on discipline — a subject upon which even we experienced moms can always brush up. I settle in to read what the "experts" say about how to get children to behave.


Suddenly I remember why I stopped reading parenting magazines. It wasn't because my children no longer required me to make frequent trips to the doctor's office — a place where the only other reading material has been chewed on and is covered in germs.


No, I stopped reading parenting magazines because I reached my limit of articles about reasoning with children to get them to behave. It's not that I felt inadequate or unskilled as a parent when I read articles about discipline.


It's that the expert advice made me agitated.


Here's a sampling: Never tell a child he is "good" or "bad" — these are value judgments that can damage self-esteem. Instead, always reaffirm the child's worth while suggesting more positive choices. (Funny, I thought the biggest self-esteem spoiler was being a bad child.)


Never say "never" — or "no," or "stop it," or "quit it," or "cut it out" or "knock it off." These are negative. Instead, always convey preferred behavior in a positive way, such as, "I really like it when you sit in your chair and eat your meal using your good manners." (The fact that your child is throwing her mashed potatoes in her sister's hair is not important.)


Never make a child feel guilty about his or her mistakes because mistakes are always learning experiences. Instead, find positive elements in every situation and focus on those. This will highlight for your son or daughter the good behavior you truly value. (If his mistake happens to cause pain for others or shame on the family, all the more to be learned, I guess.)


I can stand to read only a few paragraphs of the article on discipline before I toss the magazine back on the table. These articles have not changed in the 18 years I have been a parent, nor has my visceral response to such "expert" advice.


Am I the only one who's noticed that those same years have brought us the most undisciplined, disrespectful and unruly generation of children our culture has ever seen?


Ah, but I'm no expert. I'm just a mom.

Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

MAYBETH'S FIRST BOOK!
"The Perfect World Inside My Minivan -- One mom's journey through the streets of suburbia"  

Marybeth Hicks offers readers common-sense wisdom in dealing with today's culture. Her anecdotes of her husband and four children tap into universal themes that every parent can relate to and appreciate. -- Wesley Pruden, Editor-in-Chief, The Washington Times
Sales help fund JWR.

JWR contributor Marybeth Hicks, a wife of 20 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide. To comment, please click here.


Archives




© 2008, Marybeth Hicks