In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 12, 2008 / 5 Adar II 5768

When it comes to obedience, mom nails it

By Marybeth Hicks

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There I sat in the nail salon, wondering just exactly what my nail technician and her co-workers were chatting about in their native Vietnamese (assuming, neurotically, it was me) when I saw something I haven't seen in a long time.

I saw an exhibition of great parenting. It was a simple thing, really, but one that has become remarkably rare.

A young mom was seated across from my spot at the U-shaped manicure bar. Her little girl — a preschooler of about 4 — had been waiting patiently for her mom to be finished. After a while, she wandered across the salon to the pedicure chairs and started rolling empty seats to and fro.

The young mom called quietly, "Lindsay, come back here." Lindsay didn't come. In fact, she looked right at her mom and then rolled a chair even farther.

Right now you're probably thinking, "Here comes the negotiation." That's what I was thinking, anyway. It's what typically comes next — mom repeats her request, daughter escalates her noncompliance, mom makes a ridiculous idle threat that her child doesn't believe ("Come back here before they make you wash all the chairs with a toothbrush"), the child still doesn't respond, mom threatens to get out of her seat, the child still doesn't respond ... you can imagine the scene, I'm sure. We've all seen it a thousand times.

Get ready, though, because you won't believe what actually happened next. That young mom did something I haven't seen in a while.

She got up.


As in, out of her seat.

I kid you not.

She walked across the salon, gently took her daughter's hand, led the child back to the area where she was permitted to be and said, "Please stay here."

That mom didn't call across the room and ask a second time for compliance. She didn't beg, bribe or plead. She didn't make an idle threat. She didn't even shoot the child a menacing glance.

She just got up out of her seat.

It was a thing of beauty. I'm getting emotional just recalling the moment.

That mom is teaching her daughter an old-fashioned behavior standard, one that has gotten a bad rap for a long time: obedience. Not just obedience, but first-time obedience.

In our culture, obedience has come to suggest a strident, militaristic parenting style. Someone somewhere decided that expecting children to obey smacks of a Stepford existence. Children should be allowed to make choices (lots of them, in fact) and among those should be the choice to cooperate with a parent's request. Rather than demand obedience, we have been encouraged by parenting experts to employ creative parenting strategies to get our children to cooperate.

Cooperation is a lovely notion, but it puts the power squarely in the hands of a child. When children have the power to decide whether to comply with our requests, some very important folks have no power: the adults asking children make their beds or pick up their rooms or be home before midnight.

This is why we have a nation of children who believe they don't have to do what they're told unless it suits them. Just ask any schoolteacher how she feels about the ramifications of this doozie of a "creative parenting strategy."

I would like obedience to make a comeback. Obedience is a good thing. It doesn't make for huffy, unloving families — quite the opposite. A household in which children obey their parents is one where affection and fun abound because families don't spend all their time trying to manipulate each other.

Nail Salon Mom obviously gets this, and because she does, she'll raise a daughter who is both safer and better behaved than most of the children she knows.

Nail Salon Mom also gets that the only way to extract obedience from a 4-year-old is to exert some effort. It didn't take anger, exasperation, frustration or a "creative parenting strategy." It just took her commitment to be the best mom she could be and to expect the best from her daughter.

I would have applauded that mom right then and there if it wouldn't have smudged my nails.

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Marybeth Hicks offers readers common-sense wisdom in dealing with today's culture. Her anecdotes of her husband and four children tap into universal themes that every parent can relate to and appreciate. -- Wesley Pruden, Editor-in-Chief, The Washington Times
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JWR contributor Marybeth Hicks, a wife of 20 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide. To comment, please click here.


© 2008, Marybeth Hicks