In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 15, 2007 / 25 Adar, 5767

Deface the Nation

By Malcolm Fleschner

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | From a marketing standpoint, the best move ever made by the folks who enjoy defacing public property was to rebrand themselves as "graffiti artists." Generally speaking, it's often a tough sell persuading people that your fondness for wanton criminal activity is merely a creative outlet that everyone else should embrace. It's hard to imagine, for example, a compulsive car thief trying to pass himself off as a performance artist who just happens to work in the medium of "unauthorized vehicle relocation." Although I do like to imagine this guy being hauled off to jail, muttering to himself, "No one understands art anymore."

I think part of the reason we're willing to cut some slack to these spray-can-wielding Picassos is because we all understand the fundamental human impulse to vandalize. What were the original cave paintings, after all, if not a very primitive form of graffiti?

In fact, scholars now believe that many of these depictions represented an early attempt at written language. Researchers working in the caves outside Lascaux, France, recently achieved a breakthrough by identifying a series of these paintings as an ongoing dialogue between competing tribes. Even the scholars admit to being surprised when the pictures were translated as a series of lines that read, roughly, "Cro-Magnon Man sucks," followed by "No, Neanderthals suck," followed by "No, you suck," and so on. The final line in the sequence remains shrouded in mystery, but many experts assume that it probably reads, simply, "Zeppelin Rules."

The "artist" label seems all the more valid when you consider that some of the world's most memorable poetry originally appeared in graffiti form. I mean, let's face it, if you stopped the average joe on the street and asked him to quote a few lines of any poem by Yeats or Whitman, you'll likely receive little more than a blank stare in return. Frankly, you'll be lucky not to get punched in the nose.

By contrast, most of us have at least a passing familiarity with the work of that anonymous master of meter who first etched into a bathroom stall wall the epic poem of despair that begins, "Here I sit, broken hearted."

Of course, this urge to deface is strongest in the teen years, when kids, in a form of youthful rebellion, look to etch their name in every nearby schoolroom desk, gym locker, patch of wet pavement or, if no other open spaces are readily available, their forearms. Thankfully, most of us outgrow this juvenile obsession with plastering our own names everywhere, albeit with a few pitiable exceptions (see Trump, Donald).

School administrators are, of course, all too familiar with this behavior pattern. That's why back when I was in junior high, the first few days of the school year in each class were always dedicated to the important educational exercise of re-covering our schoolbooks with brown grocery bag paper. The hope was that if they could keep kids from defacing their books, the school could make it through another year with, for example, yellowing history texts that referred to war in Europe as "one of the looming problems of 1939."

This all changed when I went to a private high school where we had to buy all our books. Freed from any controls on our defacing impulses, my classmates and I set upon our purchases with gusto. One of the more popular in-class activities involved altering book titles to comic effect. I still recall with admiration how one of the more inspired students in my sophomore English class refashioned the cover of his copy of "The Grapes Of Wrath" so it looked like he was reading a book titled, "He Rapes Rats."

Of course, there were also academic benefits to being able to write in your schoolbooks. Since most of my books were handed down to me by my older sister, who was one grade ahead of me, I benefited from the voluminous notes she diligently scribbled in the margins of all her textbooks. Particularly helpful was her chemistry textbook, nearly every page of which were chock-full of insightful Chemistry-related comments like, "This class is sooooo boring," "Oh my god, I think I'm going to die of boredom," "Important science question: Could chemistry be any more boring?", as well as, of course, her observations on which of her classmates appeared to be habitual nose-pickers.

My sister's notes notwithstanding, I don't think I believed in an ingrained human urge to deface until I got to college and studied anthropology. Then one day in class, while thumbing through the pages of my used textbook, I got to the section on prehistoric man. There, as if to demonstrate incontrovertible evidence showing just how little has changed about human nature in thousands of years, was the proof, written in the margin by the previous owner:

"Cro-Magnon Man sucks."

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JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning

© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner