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Jewish World Review March 15, 2005 / 4 Adar II, 5765 Crack down on mindless microwavers at work By Lenore Skenazy
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
It's 4 p.m., the burning-popcorn hour. At least in most workplaces it is. It's that unmistakable smell of the Orville Redenbacher forgotten by someone who meant to listen for the final pops but got caught up in conversation, or suddenly remembered something important and hurried off, wondering, "What's that awful smell?"
My fellow working stiffs: Let he who has never singed a snack cast the first kernel! Two-thirds of us are eating lunch at our desks these days, much of it nuked, so most of us have committed at least a minor microwave misdemeanor.
Normally I'd say, that's just life in the big office — who cares — except that I have to sit and breathe next to the microwave.
There it is, the standard Jackson Pollock model in all its splattered glory, wafting scents from reheated coffee in the morning, to Lean Cuisine at lunch, to smoldering snacks and that same cup of coffee again in the afternoon. While I admire the thrift behind these zaps, there are two types of nukers for whom my mercy has shriveled like a hot dog cooked on "Defrost Rump Roast":
1) The repeat burners
2) The fish heater-uppers
I'm also not crazy about the people who warm up such fabulous leftovers — especially Indian food — that I end up not only starving, but also feeling guilty for not doing enough cooking. (When am I going to get my act together ... How much am I wasting on lunch ... but that's another flagellation.)
While an outright ban on microwaving popcorn and fish — especially together — might be too drastic, it's worth discussing. Especially when you consider how many hours are wasted by people waving their hands in front of their noses, which is how much of the American workforce seems to be spending its time.
"Late in the day, almost every day, someone gets the munchies and then fails Microwave Popcorn 101," says Karen Ptacek.
"Microwave popcorn needs supervision," contends Hillary Boulden.
In fact, ALL microwaved food needs supervision, as Chip Partner of Rochester, N.Y., ruefully acknowledges. A while back, he put a Healthy Choice chicken parm in the oven and pressed 13 instead of 1:30 — "the microwave equivalent of dialing your phaser from stun to kill." When clouds of acrid smoke began billowing through the office, a quick-thinking colleague unplugged the oven. An even quicker-thinking colleague snapped pictures of the fiasco and E-mailed them to friends. And Chip himself rues his blackened lump: "A few minutes longer, it might have become a diamond."
Instead, let it serve as a cautionary tale: If you are going to microwave, force yourself to stand there for the two or three minutes it takes. If you can't stand the smell, neither can your colleagues. If you can't stand the shooting flames, ditto. And if you can't stand all this responsibility? Pack a sandwich.
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