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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 10, 2005 / 29 Adar I, 5765

Come do up my house, Diva

By Lenore Skenazy


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As Martha Stewart begins her five months of house arrest, I have only one request: Let the house be mine!

Martha, my apartment needs you way more than that Westchester estate does. My medicine cabinet needs you. (How many decades does Kaopectate stay fresh?) My living room needs you. (How do you get "Star Wars" stickers off a piano?) And I have a feeling my sticky plastic tablecloth needs you, too. (Don't tell me, I know: I've got to start wiping it. Right? Isn't that your little trick?)

So let's just say I'll expect you around noon. And don't worry, I'll have a home-cooked meal waiting for you: a piping hot Eggo waffle!

Now, in the tradition of those women who clean their homes before the cleaning lady comes, I picked up a copy of your "Good Things for Organizing," filled as it is with "150 solutions for a clean and clutter-free home." I figured if I could get my home as bright as the cover photo of your mud room (by the way — where's the mud?), maybe you'd really consider becoming my roomie.

But then I started reading that I should begin by welding casters to the bottom of a large tin bin to make a rolling boot caddy, and I got a little leery.

I mean, can't we agree that boots belong on the floor, next to the hats, the better for one-stop dressing? I'm sure you see my point. But you know what? We can compromise.

I'm also wondering about your simple solutions for bathroom cleanliness. You say that to kill the fuzzy black stuff I'd have to "use a spare towel or squeegee to wipe off excess moisture after the last shower," but I'm thinking: Really? Use that squeegee I found under the FDR Drive? Well — I'm open!

I guess once you arrive we'll just learn to live with each other's little foibles. Like, while you're cleaning my grout with a toothbrush and baking soda, I'll be stomping the Trix under the table so they turn into dust, which is much harder to see.

Feel free to print that trick in your next magazine!

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And while you're gently spray-washing my house plants by placing them in the tub (well, house PLANT, anyway), I'll bring the Bounty into the bathroom and we can tear it into little sheets until I get more toilet paper.

And then, while you're flipping my mattress because, according to your completely INSANE instructions, a mattress should be flipped FOUR TIMES A YEAR, I'll just flip out MYSELF and start yanking the fluff out of my Martha Stewart pillows. Yeah! And dunking it in last night's broiling pan sludge and glue-gunning the glob to my fridge. Try wiping THAT off, Little Miss Perfect!

Who invited you here, anyway? Get out before I take my best scarf and instead of using a fine-tooth comb to catch any pills I take it and wrap it around your — Oh, wait a sec. I'm sorry! I think I was just getting a little nervous about your visit. Please don't be put off! I still can't wait to see you!

And neither can whatever it is that's growing under my toilet.

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

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