In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 18, 2005 / 7 Adar II, 5765

Puzzling parenting

By Marybeth Hicks

Printer Friendly Version

Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The clearance price attracts my attention first. Next is the idyllic scene on the cover of the box — two Adirondack chairs angled gracefully on the front porch of a lovely clapboard house; a cat perched on the front stoop; a dogwood tree in full bloom in the yard.

The only thing missing in the photo is me, sitting in one of those worn wooden chairs, sipping iced tea and reading the newest copy of O: The Oprah Magazine or a book of poems by Billy Collins.

I pick up the box and study the photo, deciding I easily could spend a weekend dreaming about a place as quiet and quaint as this. Besides, the pharmacy put the puzzles on deep discount, probably to make room for beach chairs and water wings. At $2.99, reconstructing the thousand pieces in this box is cheap entertainment.

My husband says there are people who do puzzles and people who don't. He doesn't. It's not a question of whether he enjoys the process, it's that he doesn't "think spatially." I'm not surprised when he surveys the cardboard cutouts on the coffee table and decrees, "This is not how people have fun."

"You're missing out," I say cheerfully. He declares the puzzle "impossible" but I'm not deterred. It's a long weekend, we have no plans, snow is flying outside, and I have a fire roaring at my back — not to mention, the puzzle is not the point. As soon as I get started, two of my children scurry across the room and stake out spots on the floor beside me. We sort out the edge pieces and begin assembling the frame. Every coupling elicits a victory whisper. Within an hour, the 20-by-24-inch border claims its space in the center of the table, leaving little room for the roughly 930 puzzle pieces remaining.

We find all the red, white and blue pieces that will depict "Old Glory" hanging off the front of a white pillar. Now we realize roughly 600 pieces of this puzzle are white — parts of the six pillars graciously holding up the roof of my imaginary retreat. Intimidated, we move on to the cobblestone steps at the bottom of the frame.

Every so often, there's a staff change among my puzzle helpers. One quits for a while to rest her eyes, another takes a break for popcorn. Replacements take over (but not my husband) — or sometimes, I just work on the puzzle by myself, offering an unspoken invitation to join me to whoever walks through the room.

Basketball is on TV, then the news, then "Law and Order." One by one, I kiss and tuck the children away for the night — by the time I turn the lights out on the puzzle, it's going on 1 in the morning.

Piece by piece, the weekend progresses. Hostas take form in the lower right corner; the dark, blurry pieces we thought were the front door turn out to be a window. The pillars aren't just white, but varying shades of white. We study the photo on the box, passing it around in hopes it will reveal the key to making the hundreds of remaining puzzle pieces fit together easily, without testing, turning, trying.

What I learn while puzzling is not about the puzzle, but about the puzzlers. Heads nearly touching while we study the rainbow of blacks that eventually will be the screen door, I ask about school or sports or social plans; they share thoughts about teachers and friends.

My son tells me how he'll miss the boy in his class visiting from South Korea. My youngest daughter tells me what she loves about the movie "Napoleon Dynamite."

My eighth-grader talks about enrolling for high school and choosing her classes for next year. My high schooler tells me about the book she's reading and why it's both interesting and disturbing.

Donate to JWR

Gradually, as the picture on the coffee table reflects more and more the cover of the puzzle box, my family invests itself not only in the shared challenge of an "impossible" task, but also in conversation about a host of topics from the TV show "The Apprentice" to our dinner plans to what we love about summer.

Eventually, even my non-puzzling husband joins us, inspired by my tenacity — or is it my relentless dedication, despite the meaninglessness of its purpose? More likely, it's starting to look like fun.

His puzzling technique is methodical, if not brooding. He doesn't pick up pieces and try them — he waits until he sees the exact puzzle piece for a specific place and then confidently drops it there. It's slow, but successful.

Two days into the puzzle project, we're amazed at what we're accomplishing. My son lobbies to extract a promise from me that he will be the one to insert the final piece. It's premature to argue over this honor — there are easily 100 pieces left, all indistinguishable shades of olive green. "Whoever has the last piece will put it in the puzzle," I say. The six of us hover over the coffee table as we work furiously toward the finish. Just 12 pieces left; now nine; now five. Suddenly, it looks as if we've lost one, which prompts us to scour the floor. Someone suggests maybe the dog ate it.

Then, silently, my husband takes my hand and slides the missing piece into my palm. I smile at him as I slip it into place, completing a serene picture that was neither impossible nor even very puzzling after all.

Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Marybeth Hicks, a wife of 17 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide. To comment, please click here.

Mom leads — and reads — by example
Mom may be the happiest camper
What the dog knows about parenting
TSubbing turns mom into fly on the wall
The hard work of bringing up geeks
What if teenagers made the rules?
Sage advice to a mom about Instant Messaging

© 2005, Marybeth Hicks