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Jewish World Review March 14, 2003 / 10 Adar II, 5763

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Pete Rose was given conditions Monday that he must meet to be allowed back in baseball this June. He will be required to admit his gambling addiction. The way to beat gambling is when you get off the plane in Las Vegas, walk right into the propeller.

Los Angeles prosecutors on Wednesday completed their presentation of murder evidence against Robert Blake. They have absolutely nothing. Robert Blake is so innocent that Michael Jackson just invited him out to Neverland for milk and cookies.

The White House said Wednesday Medicare must be reformed before Baby Boomers retire. A crisis is nearing. At this rate of spending, there won't be enough money to cover major surgery, just enough to pay the doctor to touch up the x-rays.

Saddam Hussein was presented with six conditions to avoid a war Wednesday. He is pure evil. Forget his checks to Palestinian suicide bombers, there's evidence that this man established a legal defense fund for Fresno State's basketball program.

The Senate found that twenty government workers spent two all-expense-paid months at a Colorado ski resort. They say they went to hire airport screeners. Wouldn't you know, after sixty nights at the apres-ski bar, all they could find were pilots.

Nancy Pelosi hinted last week that Hillary Clinton might be getting into the 2004 presidential race. She said we haven't seen the whole field yet. This could be the second time in his career that Gary Hart was knocked out of the race by a blonde.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton