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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb 14, 2014 / 14 Adar I, 5774

Of Women and Worrying

By Lenore Skenazy



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | So there's a study out that "proves" that women worry more than men.

Like we didn't know that. Like we women don't spend most of our waking hours (and being worried, of course, most of our hours are waking) fretting our female hearts out, using this delightful template:

"Did I remember to pay the credit card on time, or are they going to use this as the excuse they've been waiting for to jack up my APR and put a check next to my name so that when, 10 years after we should have(!), we finally do go to buy a home — right after the market has recovered to pre-crash levels (so much for college for the kids) — the bank'll say, 'Sorry we have to gouge you, Ms. Waited-Too-Long.' All because of one stupid check! And there goes the house, the education, the trip to England, where we'd cross the street without looking the right direction and end up..."

Ah, life's a real picnic when you're hard-wired this way. Yet that's what the study, conducted at the University of California, Davis, concluded: Females, starting at age 3, tend to believe that a negative past event forecasts negative future events. In other words, if something bad happened once, we don't expect something good to happen the next time.

Or ever.

Well, actually, the whole study wasn't quite that tidy. The protocol involved reading a story to boys and girls (and some adults) and then asking them why they thought certain characters reacted a certain way. The females generally thought the characters were motivated by a fear of possible harm, and this supposedly proved that the females themselves think in terms of future harm and ... aw, heck. Frankly, the whole thing seemed way off base as a way of measuring who worries and why. Yet it totally resonated for most of the women I spoke to.

"It's like a three-phase approach," said Rosemary, a woman I met at my pediatrician's office (where else?), about her worrying technique.

"I seem to worry before an event, during and after it." Though some of her worries are pretty frothy — "Am I going to look too sexy or too old for the event?" — the ones that really haunt her have to do with hurting other people:

"I just spoke to my mom, and she said, 'You sound upset.' I said, 'I'm not at all upset.' And I hung up," Rosemary said. "Then I thought, 'Now is she upset? Should I call her back?' While my husband would think, 'It's fine.'"

Psychologists believe that some worry arises from an excess of sympathy. The more you feel for other folks the more you worry about your effect on them and their moods. That seems to be more of a female thing.

It's also more of a female thing to be the family's main caregiver, and part of that job description is to worry. If not, who would drag the child to the doctor to make sure the sore throat isn't pneumonia?

"I worry that my children are cold at night. I worry about car accidents. I worry if I take a walk and see a person; I think, 'Oh, G0D, I hope they're not crazy, because nobody's going to hear me if I scream.'" That's what my dear friend Marla said when I asked about this topic.

And I always thought of her as the mother who didn't worry.

Shrinks advise us brooders to ask ourselves why we continue to fear the worst when we clearly can see that the children did not freeze, the car didn't crash and the crazy man was actually sane (or at least found another victim).

But what if the shrinks are wrong and this technique actually makes things worse, hmm? Or drives us insane? Or leads us to blithely cross the street right when — BOOM!

Think about that.

I know I will.

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