Jewish World Review
Feb. 17, 2014/ 17 Adar I, 5774
And the Biggest Idiot in Iraq Is . . .
Did you hear the one about the instructor in Iraq who was teaching a class to would-be suicide bombers on how to set off their explosives and kill people?
Ok, here goes: So he's showing his students the ins and outs of the business. He's teaching them how to detonate a bomb strapped onto their bodies in order to blow up as many innocent civilians as they can - and themselves, of course, because in their minds, they're doing it for Allah.
This is where it gets good. The teacher pulls the trigger to demonstrate precisely how it's done - you can't be too careful, don't you know. Except he makes one teeny-weeny mistake. He uses live explosives. Twenty-one would be-terrorist students and their brilliant teacher … blown to smithereens before any of them could say, "Now let me get this straight: All I have to do is blow myself up and I get 72 virgins?"
According to the New York Times, an Iraqi merchant who heard the news said he was sorry about the number of deaths. He wanted more to die, he said. (Rim shot!)
As the Times put it: "If there were such a thing, it would probably be rule No. 1 in the teaching manual for instructors of aspiring suicide bombers: Don't give lessons with live explosives."
My sources tell me an Iraqi musician famous for his braids and headband, whose name is Willie Abdul, is writing a country song about the incident. He's calling it, "Mama don't let your babies grow up to be suicide bomber instructors - especially if they're MORONS."
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JWR contributor Bernard Goldberg, the television news reporter and author of several bestselling books, among them, Bias, a New York Times number one bestseller about how the media distort the news. He is widely seen as one of the most original writers and thinkers in broadcast journalism. Mr. Goldberg covered stories all over the world for CBS News and has won 10 Emmy awards for excellence in journalism. He now reports for the widely acclaimed HBO broadcast Real Sports.
He is a graduate of Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey and a member of the school's Hall of Distinguished Alumni and proprietor of BernardGoldberg.com.
© 2013, Bernard Goldberg