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Selasky: EGGPLANT WRAPS are an easy, sumptuous and scrumptious meal May 3, 2013 Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Human Courage and the Unavoidable, Disturbing Text Steven Emerson: Attorney General Fights CAIR in Court, Lauds it in Public Mediterranean diet helps beat dementia: study Harvard Health Letters: When to be screened for a hearing problem Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Iron Man's Jewish Connections; Marc Maron's New TV Show; Martin Landau Grows Up with Israel; Shalom, Allan Arbus The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: A sweet surprise for Mother's Day dessert May 1, 2013 Jonathan Rosenblum: An Improbable Journey to Orthodoxy Jonathan Tobin: Blame Obama, Not Israel for Syria Push Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell Halena M. 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Jewish World Review GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | For months, a large retailer emailed me twice a day, begging me to switch from paper billing to online billing. If only I would go paperless, my hair would grow back rich and thick, my sciatica would go away, my plantar fasciitis would heal itself, my cats would stop shedding, and my chance of heavenly reward would rise. OK, fine. I'll sign up, just please stop sending me your stupid emails. So the emails ended; contentment reigned. The paper bill stopped coming. I was saving trees and saving a giant corporation postage each month, plus the cost of paper and envelopes. My hair started to grow a little. It was a win/win situation. Life was good. About a month later, while paying some bills, it occurred to me that I hadn't gotten one from the giant retailer, a store whose name is a household word. I'd totally forgotten I had signed up for paperless billing. But how do I get a bill? Where do I send the money? I went online to find out why the company hadn't sent me a bill by email. My payment was due. "When were they going to send me a bill?" I asked the woman on the phone. "You told us to stop the emails, sir." "Yes, but I meant the annoying emails you kept sending me to tell me that you wanted me to sign up for the ease and convenience of paperless billing. If you don't send me a bill in the mail and you don't send me one by email, how am I supposed to pay the bill?" "Give me your bank account number and we'll take it directly out of your checking account." Yes, that would be convenient -- for them. For me, not so much. Do they not read the papers? Every day some giant conglomerate gets hacked and millions of customers are told, "Customer information has been compromised. Check your bill to be sure no unauthorized charges have been made to your account." Last week my power company got hacked. The week before, it was a grocery chain. My bank or this gigantic, household-name retailer will surely be next. Why the power company had to know my Social Security number and date of birth, I'll never know. Is it afraid an impostor will come in and pay my bill for me? "Well, if you want, we'll email you each month and remind you to pay the bill," my customer service representative finally said, not sounding at all happy about it. "If it's not asking too much, yeah, I think that would work." I'm not kidding, this is a gigantic company with stores in every town in the country. It issues its own credit cards; its CEO paid himself a gazillion dollars last year. Where it gets the money to pay him if it doesn't send out bills is a puzzlement. According to the website, my payment was due the next Tuesday. It was Saturday, New Year's Eve, and Monday was officially a holiday. There was no way the giant retailer was going to get my check by Tuesday, but I sent it anyway. Sure enough, two weeks later I got an email from the company. A $25 late fee had been tacked onto my new bill. Just its way of saying "thank you" for going paperless, I guess. Suddenly it became clear where the money to pay the CEO was coming from. While on hold waiting to speak with another service representative, I cut up the company's card into many small pieces. The good news is that the company quickly removed the charge. And I see its stock price hit a new low this month. Must be I'm not the only one who switched to paperless billing. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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