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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Life: There's no app for that

By Jim Mullen




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Sue wanted me to go out and shovel the snow off of her car so she could get to work. It seems awfully old-fashioned in this high-tech age that either of us should actually have to leave the house -- her to go to work, me to shovel snow. Isn't there an app for that? I guess not.

Millions of people with smart phones have learned this winter that an app exists that will tell them that their flights were cancelled, but nothing that will magically beam them to whatever sunshiny place they were going. Instead, they are stuck in the airport just like the folks with stupid phones. There is no app that lets you sleep comfortably in an airport. There are apps that will tell you the temperature of the beach you are supposed to be lying on, and that it's happy hour at the bar. Is it even possible to have a happy hour in an airport? Let me check my Airport Happy Hour app.

There are all kinds of apps that can tell you exactly what time the next big blizzard of 2011 will hit, but apparently there is no app that tells you to stay off Chicago's Lake Shore Drive in the middle of it. The good news is that there is an app that can tell you exactly how long you were trapped in your car during a snowstorm down to the very last second. I used my latitude app to find out if any of my friends were also trapped in the storm. It turns out that Bobby and his pregnant girlfriend were trapped in a car about a half-mile ahead of me. Of course, she wasn't pregnant when they first got trapped in the storm. I guess there's no app for that. I just got an invitation to their wedding on my smart phone. Sometimes I think their phone is a lot smarter than they are.

I don't know what it's called, but there must be an app that tells people to run down to the grocery store and buy every loaf of bread and roll of toilet paper every time someone says the word "snow." I wonder if there's an app that can tell me exactly how long the average family can live without bread? One hour? One day? After that, does starvation set in?

And how long should you wait to panic?

"Two days without bread! They'll find us passed out from hunger. Will anyone look for us? Or will they just find our skeletons? I suppose if we got into real trouble we could use our smart phones to call someone, but who can remember that number you call for emergencies? Why did they make it so long and hard to remember? Oh, that's right, it's in my smart phone's memory from the time I called them. Remember? I couldn't get my garage door opener to work. Talk about an emergency, I thought I'd have to get out of the car and open it myself."

Can't you just make bread if you run out? Isn't there an app for that? Or as we used to call it: a recipe. I mean, if you're so snowed in that you can't make it to the grocery store to buy bread, it means you're snowed in enough that you can't go to work, either. That gives you all day to bake. I think I could be snowed in for an entire year and still not get to the bottom of my freezer. If only there was an app that would tell me what's in there -- and defrost it. Now that'd be a smart phone.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."


Previously:


Bam! Practical kitchen magic
Poisoning myself
Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version!
$38,000 for traffic and weather updates
2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack
2010: A year of annoying junk
Why do bad things happen to stupid people?
Moving on from movie theaters
Money never sleeps, but it does pass out
President Trump kept it classy
Stalking your college kid won't change a thing
Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’
Mo' government, mo' problems
iLostIt
Dressed for excess
Expert tease
The mysteries of Jersey
‘You are a toilet, where am I?’
Don't we all cheat at the game of life?
What happens when I forget where Google is?
Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out
Picasso fiasco
Purple (hair) ‘Daze’
Let me hear your body talk
Working from work
Babies deserve clean restrooms, too
3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past
Money-making ideas on the fly
Collecting and hoarding
Chain of fools
Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
‘He loves only gold, only gold’
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like ‘wack’ Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
Music to my ears it's not
You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’
A parable for the ‘ages’
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative ‘juice’
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping



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