I'm finally over the disappointment of not being invited to the royal wedding. What I'm not over is my inability to think of a suitable wedding gift. Should my invitation be lost in the mail and come at the last minute, I'd like to be ready.
Your small kitchen appliances blender, toaster, electric knife are obviously too mundane for a prince and princess. Towels are always good, but who knows what their colors are.
One of those K-cup coffee makers would be nice. Then again, Kate and William are probably accustomed to coffee served in a silver service, not puncturing small plastic tubs and tapping their royal toes while the coffee mugs slowly fill.
I thought of checking their bridal registry, but they have not registered at Bed Bath and Beyond, Target or Crate and Barrel. It is rather hard to imagine a soon-to-be princess dashing about with a scanner, her prince in tow, while she excitedly tags spatulas, trivets and appetizer plates.
"Look at this deviled egg platter, Willie. Should we scan it for the registry or see if they have one in Royal Doulton?"
Even harder to imagine is an average Joe such as myself waltzing into a home living store and printing off the official royal registry. "Well, would you look at that? They registered for everyday pottery in that depressing brown just like your niece Shelley."
I would like to see a royal registry just to see if they checked the box at the bottom that says the happy couple will also accept gift cards.
When Prince Charles and Lady Di married, they registered at a specialty shop, but only those approved by Buckingham Palace could view the registry. Word was that they requested garden furniture, a wine cooler, ceramic candlesticks and a pair of breakfast-in-bed trays. All of which was a touch more practical than Cambridge University's gift, a copy of "The Complete English Traveller"; by George Spence, which was first published in 1771. It's always dispiriting when you have to wear a dust mask and gloves before you can enjoy your own wedding gifts.
Personally, I like giving newlyweds matching terry cloth robes monogrammed "Mr." and "Mrs." Of course, that would never work in this case. Their monograms would have to be "P" and "P" for prince and princess, which completely loses the giggle factor of Mr. and Mrs.
"I think you're wearing my robe."
"Are you sure? I thought this was mine."
"No it's mine."
"But it says P."
"Well, you're not the only one with a robe that says P; now hand over my robe."
And then the "P" robe mix-up escalates into their first marital spat and royal unhappiness would be on my commoner head.
Prince Charles and Princess Di also received wedding gifts of an antique toilet mirror, a ton of peat for the garden and two cases of specially blended whiskey. When William's grandparents married, they received 2,500 gifts including a hand-knitted cardigan, two pairs of bed socks and a tea cozy.
I keep going back to the idea of a pygmy goat for a gift. They probably don't have one, it would be highly entertaining and could keep weeds down around their country home.
I wonder if they'll know who it's from.
"Must be from your side."
"No, your side."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.