Jewish World Review
Feb. 3, 2010
/ 19 Shevat 5770
Talkin' to us 'tards
A. Barton Hinkle
"This is a complex issue, and the longer it was debated, the more
skeptical people became. I take my share of the blame for not explaining
it more clearly to the American people."
Barack Obama, State of the Union.
"There's a lot in the bill that people are going to like. It's just a
question of understanding it."
ABC's Cokie Roberts, Dec. 20.
"What are the immediate plans for recalibrating the message or
intensifying the message to explain better to the American people what
you're trying to do?"
Question to White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, Jan. 20.
It mighty big of man with nice voice to take blame like that. Him not
need to. Head honchos not often take blame. Most times after big
screw-up, head honchos say they have "full confidence" in someone who
work for them right before pushing someone off edge of cliff, or
letting someone twist "slowly, slowly" in wind, like tricky Nixon guy
did with man who ran FBI.
Man with nice voice not like those other head honchos. Him bring change
to Washington already, see?
But him right. Him not explain health care good. Use too many big words.
Say too many compound-complex sentences. Confuse American people.
American people not want that. American people want simple explanation.
Simpler the better.
Me feel kind of sorry. It must really get on nerves for man with nice
voice and people on his side, like lady on TV and cheerleaders in White
House press pool. Why can't lamebrain American people get idea through
thick skulls? Them not know how to make choices in own best interests!
Need enlightened leaders to make choices for them. (Enlightened = smart.
Me look this up in thing called "dictionary." Dictionary good! Try
Want example? Take mammogram fight. (Mammogram is thing where doctor
squish tender woman part really hard and take picture. Owie!) Last year
U.S. Preventive Services Task Force say women not need mammogram until
age 50. Say squishing younger women not very clinically effective, so
not save many lives. Say sometimes "false positives" scare women. This
not good. Smart people must protect silly women, make sure they not get
Experts say, from cruising altitude of 32,000 feet saving 12,000 lives
over course of 10 years just not worth it. Country should not waste
money like that. (Can hardly see someone from that far up anyway.) But
crazy right-wing Tea-Party people go around saying things like: Well, if
it my life or my daughter's life, maybe me feel different. Maybe me
should be one to decide to get squished or not.
There so many things man with nice voice need to explain gooder. Like,
if some people still need health insurance, why not just give them
insurance voucher, like housing voucher or food stamps? Why put entire
U.S. medical system in Cuisinart and set on Liquefy?
How come House bill create 111 new boards, commissions, and programs?
How come, if point is to give insurance, House bill raise big chunk of
revenue by fining people without insurance? How that help anyone? This
seem crazy to knuckle-dragging trailer-park people, who not know no
better. And how come Medicaid and Medicare not doing the job? Isn't that
what they for? And if they not do job, then why should people think even
bigger program will?
Many American people too stupid to see answers to questions like these,
even though they totally obvious.
Man with nice voice also need to explain why it so bad that U.S. spend
more on health care than other countries. U.S. spend more on clothes and
iPods, too. People in U.S. have more what called "discretionary income."
Only spend small share of paycheck on food and rent, so lots left over.
Old man want to get knee fixed, why stop him? Him want to buy big new
tender woman parts to make hot young trophy wife even hotter, what wrong
with that? Seem kind of silly, sure. But man with nice voice need to
point out where in Constitution it say White House get to make that call
Stupid American people have strange mad love for Constitution. Crazy
right-wing Tea-Party people always making big fat deal out of it. Want
to know where it say Congress can make people buy insurance. Freaky
house speaker think that Constitution business nonsense. "Are you
serious?" she want to know. Crazy right-wing Tea-Party people dead
serious. Say government that can make you buy insurance can make you do
anything, anything at all. Some even ask what crazy right-wing president
and Congress with that kind of power might do. Me not like to think
Whole issue make brain hurt. Good thing man with nice voice in charge.
Him have right ideas. Just need to try new angle, that all. Talk slower.
Talk louder. Use small words. Treat American people like kid who got
held back in elementary school. That bound to work eventually.
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A. Barton Hinkle is Deputy Editor of the Editorial Pages at Richmond Times-Dispatch
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© 2010, A. Barton Hinkle