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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 19, 2009 / 25 Shevat 5769

25 AND COUNTING

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Like millions of other Facebook users, I recently succumbed to the latest online fad, persuaded by an outsized sense of self-importance to post "25 Random Things About Me" to my Facebook page. But then I thought, "Since this is an exercise in pure narcissism anyway, why should my Facebook Friends be the only ones lucky enough to benefit from these deep personal insights I took upwards of seven minutes to come up with? Especially when I also have a column due?"


Unable to dissuade myself, I decided to share the following:


1. I once donated a kidney to a stranger, but when his body rejected it, the surgeons put it right back in me.


2. I hold the world record for length of time juggling a yellow tomato, a Koosh ball and an unopened roll of toilet paper. My mark: 11 seconds.


3. While traveling in Sweden recently, I discovered that after just a week I could speak the language fluently. Unfortunately, the language was Hindi.


4. I'm learning to play the pan flute — just try to stop me from playing it for you. Lord knows many have tried!


5. If I could bring any three CDs with me to a desert island, they would be "Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits," "The Chipmunks Christmas Album" and "Yanni: Live at the Acropolis." I figure that eventually I'm going to get sick of whatever CDs I bring, so I might as well hate them already.


6. I often wonder how much more upbeat the great German philosopher might have been had his name been Immanuel Can.


7. It's always hard to decide on a favorite set of homonyms, but if pressed, I'd have to go with "popery" and "potpourri."


8. I may not be the smartest person around, and I may not be the best looking guy out there either, or the most athletic for that matter, or the most talented, and I also don't have the most money.


9. The name "Wendy" originated in the J.M. Barrie play "Peter Pan." Nothing to do with me, technically, but an interesting fact nevertheless.


10. I'm surprisingly good at games of chance — I'd say I win them nearly half the time!


11. The most overused word in the English language is "overused."


12. Billy Bob Thornton is definitely in my top ten list of actors who are named "Billy Bob."


13. Say what you will about Satanists with all their blood rituals and devil-worship, but at least they don't go door to door trying to convert you.


14. Whenever I see a troupe of boy scouts walking down the street, I like to shout at them, "Get out while you can — it's a cult!"


15. I named my first cat "Soylent Green" so that I could tell guests, "He thinks he's people."


16. My mother once told me that my biggest problem was that I procrastinate too much. I swear one of these days I'm going to prove her wrong.


17. Did you know that fully 64 percent of all quoted statistics are made up?


18. The great thing about going to the movies with me is that I'm not shy about sharing my thoughts on any plot holes, shoddy writing, continuity errors or lackluster acting that I spot.


19. A "lifetime achievement award" is a terrific way of saying, "None of your individual performances was all that exceptional, but you sure did keep at it, so here you go."


20. I don't understand the word "beheaded." Shouldn't that be when you put a head on something, as in "the bartender did a nice job beheading the pint of Bass?" Getting your head cut off should be "de-headed."


21. With Bush out of office, I'm worried about the future of the abstinence-only sex education workshops I give to area schools, starring my beloved animated characters "Abstin Ant" and "Monoga Mouse."


22. People like to gripe about all the bugs in Microsoft Windows Vista, but I'd like to see them try to run their computers without an operating system. Not so easy, is it?


23. The only man I ever met I didn't like was Will Rogers.


24. I know I shouldn't tune in to American Idol just in the hopes of seeing a person who is clearly troubled and needs professional intervention coming unhinged on camera, but how can anyone resist watching Paula Abdul?


25. When some birds hit a plane and the pilot flies into the Hudson River, he's a hero, but when a bird flies into my windshield and my car winds up the neighbor's pool, suddenly I'm a jerk?


25. My most admirable trait would no doubt be "attention to detail."

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

01/29/09: A new life, dead ahead
01/29/09: NOW STARRING ... EVERYBODY!
01/15/09: You know the type
01/08/09: Just in time, here comes 2009
11/20/08: Hotels go for the green
11/06/08: Something does not compute
10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances
10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders
10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances
09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria
08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion)
06/24/08: Getting the brand back together
05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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