In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2009 / 26 Shevat 5769

Help! I'm in a baby swing and can't get out

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Our son and daughter-in-law assembled one of those fancy baby swings to get ready for their new arrival. It was like watching pilots do a preflight inspection on a 747.

Four-position reclining seat? Check.

Padded seat cushion? Check.

Three-point safety harness? Check.

Plenty of leg room? Check.

I didn't see a seat pocket for the Wall Street Journal or Sky Mall, but I may have missed it.

The swing has "enhanced electronics" that provide 10 classical songs, five nature sounds and white noise. How about a headset to go with that blankie?

You can choose from three speeds: idle, take-off and cruising altitude.

The only thing missing is a motion sickness bag. Oh yes, and a little oxygen mask that could drop down in the event of an unexpected change in air pressure in the nursery.

Did I mention the monkeys? In addition to swinging, reclining and listening to the sound of rushing water, four monkeys dangle from a bar overhead and circle wildly.

The parents-to-be fire up all systems for a test run. The carnival music is blaring. The swing is flying back and forth at speeds clearly in excess of 70 mph. The clicking noise is clicking, the swinging monkeys are swinging - and over the racket, the daughter-in-law calmly says, "No wonder kids have such short attention spans."

It does make you wonder.

It also makes you wonder about the pictures of the babies in the ads for the swings. They're always reaching out with their pudgy little hands. I get it now. They're grabbing for the mobile figures, the "electronic enhancement" features -- and the off buttons. If babies could talk, 9 out of 10 would be yelling, "How about a little peace and quiet around here? Anybody ever think of that?"

It's not easy being pre-verbal.

Being strapped into one of those swings with all the noise and motion and flying monkeys would be great fun for a few minutes -- and then you'd want to claw your way out of the funhouse. And this wasn't even one of the deluxe swings that come with spinning rims and underbody neons.

The Mercedes of swings isn't even a swing. It looks like a swing and swings like a swing, but it's called a Sweetpeace Newborn Soothing Center. The soothing center has six swing speeds and "comforting low frequency sounds the baby heard in utero." There are also soothing lullabies, "waketime" songs, and an MP3 player jack and holder so babies can listen to their own playlists through high-quality speakers. Who would have thought infants would have Top Ten playlists?

You should also know that most swings will hold a baby weighing 25 to 30 pounds. Thirty pounds is a 3-year-old in the 50th percentile for growth. But when your entertainment is provided, why move?

Every growing family needs a baby swing. A swing can buy you 10, 15, if you're lucky, maybe 30 minutes, in which you can grab a shower, brush your teeth, and clean up the kitchen. And if the electronic enhancement features are off, you might even catch a little peace and quiet.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.


© 2009, Lori Borgman