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Nov. 17, 2009
Steven Emerson: How Does the 4th Amendment Impact Terror Finance Investigations?
JWisdom.com: If Frank Sinatra married Edith Piaf with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein (2 minutes) Life lessons from what would be regarded as the most inappropriate lyrics ever sung
Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
JWisdom.com Does God get tired? with Rabbi Harvey Belovski ( 5 minutes)
Nov. 11, 2009
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Jews and money: When anti-Semitism isn't
JWisdom.com Marriages are not made in Heaven with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (VERY fast 15 minutes)
Nov. 10, 2009
Michael Doyle: Author of book exposing CAIR ordered to remove supporting documents from Web
JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Feb. 22, 2008 / 16 Adar I 5768

Walk like a diva

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There are times when you simply need to break out of the mold, raise the bar and swing from a star. You know, use real cream in your coffee instead of that non-fat stuff. End a sentence with a preposition. Leave the drive-through without waiting for your 3 cents change.


Or maybe read Google's instructions on "How to Walk Like a Diva"


What gal can't use a new spring in her step?


You should know that walking like a diva is not for amateurs. It is a complex 10-step process, which is only two steps less than the process for staying sober. By the end of this, you can see how the two directly relate.


Step No. 1 advises that you pretend that your head is being pulled up by a hair on the crown of your head to elongate your neck, lift your chest, and allow your shoulders to fall back.


Word of caution: You'll probably need to move the coffee table and the sofa to have enough room to work.


You should also pretend that there is a string attached to your sternum that lifts your chest toward the sky to hold your ribcage up off of your pelvis. Now pull your navel into your back.


If you catch a glimpse of this contorted stance in the mirror, you may look like a short giraffe with a slipped disc, but don't worry. Keep going -- it gets worse.


Step No. 2 says to repeat to yourself: Chin up, neck long, shoulders back, chest out, abs tight, pelvis forward and buttocks tight.


Right. If I could remember all that in my head, I wouldn't have to write down a list of three things I need from the grocery.


The next few steps involves the "slightly's." You should arrange your body as slightly pigeon-toed, slightly knock-kneed and slightly knock-elbowed. Let your arms hang with your elbows bent.


The frightening thing is, I can do this part with ease. Why? Because I have seen this stance every day for the past year at a nearby pond. It is the stance of a Great Blue Heron stalking his prey.


Now, standing with all major body parts thrust counter clockwise, you should rotate your pelvis in vertical and horizontal circles. Now, my pretty, you are ready for the walk.


Walk as if you are walking on a tightrope, allow your hips (the ones now dislocated) to sway (no problem, they won't go back where they belong) and your arms (still bent at the elbows) to swing feely.


Steps 8 through 10 require some serious multi-tasking. Try to appear as though you are walking into the wind. Place each leg directly in front of the other leg, the way a cat does.


For the grand finale, lift your legs boldly in the same manner as a horse trots.


The end result is a diva walk that is something of a cross between Clydesdales pulling the Budweiser beer wagon and Hitler's brown shirts goose-stepping through Berlin.


I take my first diva baby steps to meet the UPS man, who is dropping off a package. He says, "Hello, that must have been some accident you were in," and sprints back to his truck.


I diva walk back to my workstation, clipping the door molding, kicking the back of my computer chair and wrenching both knees. The ads on the computer screen are for a joint surgeon, hip pain and aching legs.


Coincidence? I don't think so, diva.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2008, Lori Borgman

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