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Jewish World Review Feb. 23, 2007 / 5 Adar, 5767 Westminster, Poodles and the French; Why Can't the French Be More Like TheirDogs By Drs. Michael A. Glueck & Robert J. Cihak
Dogs make us healthy and aid us physically, mentally, and emotionally in ways we never imagined. So here is our applause to the 131st Westminster Dog Show, the granddoggy of them all, in New York City last week. In the classic musical "My Fair Lady," one of the main characters laments, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?" To which we reply, "Why can't the French be more like their poodles?" Not so many centuries ago, the French helped us out. Had they not supported us in our struggles against the British Empire, we might all still be under English rule today. Since then, we've repaid that wartime debt far more than once. Chuckie Cheese However, sad to say, relations have gotten progressively worse since 1944, when Charles de Gaulle decided that, if he neglected to mention who had liberated France for him, no one else would notice. Immediately thereafter, "Chuckie Cheese" (as de Gaulle is sometimes known due to his whining about how to govern a country that makes so many different kinds of fromages) adopted what has become the central tenet of French foreign policy. The way to impress your enemies is by ignoring and double-crossing your friends. Such radical ingratitude, especially when coupled with the fact that the last time the French won a war on their own it took a Corsican to do it, has led some Americans to believe that the French are, well, neither as courageous nor as virile as you and me. Certainly, their track record since 9/11, whether in supporting us or in dealing with their own disruptions, has been unimpressive, at least by manly American standards. Looking at the current leadership, it's hard not to respond. But we won't. Poodles Win the Day For the French have on one occasion gotten their act together and taken it on the road — to the Westminster Dog Show where the French poodles are strutting away with high honors. It was a toy poodle bitch, "Ch. Smash Jp Win a Victory," who won the Toy group, and a poodle bitch, "Ch. Brighton Minimoto," who won the Non-Sporting group. The toys are clearly among the most arrogant, affected, and neurotic small breeds in this or any universe, while the standard poodles are nothing more than toys with hyperactive thyroids. How can they win anything except, "Most Useless in Show?" Especially with those foolish foo-foo cuts? It may have been that the half nude cut plus hair bracelets about the ankle and pom poms around the hips were utilitarian when poodles were formidable hunting dogs. But since the dog no longer hunts and retrieves, why the foolish "continental" clips? A relatively short pet or puppy cut would be just as beneficial (plus cute) without the French aloofness and silliness. Not so fast, says Erin Solaro, author of "Women in the Line of Fire" (her adventures as a journalist in Iraq and Afghanistan) and a former professional dog trainer. Solaro may live by the motto, "Everything I need to know about life, I learned training Dobermans," but her respect for poodlery is genuine. "First of all," she says, "no dog is responsible for his or her grooming."
Whatever your notion of the toys, the standards are good dogs to have with you in a fight. Chesty (the Marines' mascot English bulldog) couldn't get a bull to behave if the commandant and all his generals were depending on it for dinner." Don't tell that to the Marines. "On the other paw," she goes on, meaning no offense to the Corps, "I know of standards who have stopped bad guys jumping out of bushes with knives, or breaking into houses." The bad guys usually respond on the order of, "I didn't know poodles could bite like that." Further, according to Solaro, the Westminster Dog Show is not a test of any breeds' real worth, "It's a beauty pageant. Some of the dogs are for real. Some are make believe. And some are real underneath their fake dos." So now we find ourselves with a conundrum (as of now an unrecognized breed at Westminster). Although not winning "Best in Show" this year, the poodles cleaned up in the Toy and Non-Sporting Groups. But the breed that is winning on looks can also be tough as nails when need arises. What does this tell us about relations with our difficult Gallic brethren? Probably nothing. Raising a Stink Except that if would be nice if, once in a while, the French started acting more like their dogs — instead of their fromage. As for your Medicine Men, we'll let the French figure it out while consoling ourselves with Winston Churchill's explanation of why the English bulldog's nose slopes backwards. "So he can breathe without letting go." So, hopefully, America can learn another lesson from the canine world, worth remembering these harry days. Editor's Note: Michael Arnold "the Rotweiller" Glueck, M.D., barked out this week's commentary. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Michael Arnold Glueck, M.D., is a multiple award winning writer who comments on medical-legal issues. Robert J. Cihak, M.D., is a Discovery Institute Senior Fellow and a past president of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons. Both JWR contributors are Harvard trained diagnostic radiologists. Comment by clicking here. © 2006, |
Mitch Albom | |||||||||||
