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Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality
Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America
Oct. 29, 2009
Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity?
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland
JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure?
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost
Oct. 15, 2009
Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process'
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Feb. 19, 2007 / 1 Adar, 5767

R.I.P.

By Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | We have a very simple philosophy: we don't speak ill of the dead with the hope that they return the favor. But in the case of Anna Nicole Smith we cannot remain silent.


She ran, what could charitably be called her love life, like a bakery: pick a number and stand in line. Unfortunately, we never made a trip to that bakery, so we can definitely state we are not the father of her child and would, if the price was right, immediately agree to a DNA test.


Usually, when the question of paternity comes up all the candidates immediately take a plane for Uganda and swear that when the deed was done they were watching a movie with an Eskimo in Siberia. For the first time in history, it's like fighting to get into Macy's when the doors open in the morning for the after-Christmas sale.


Apparently, Anna was egalitarian with her charms. She was an equal opportunity provider. Age, religion, nationality or ethnicity played no role in her choices- and for this we applaud her (particularly, the "age" part.)


Prince Frederic von Anhalt, who allegedly purchased his title on eBay and who sued Pfizer, the maker of Viagra claims to be the father of Anna's child. If he is telling the truth, and, at his age, he fathered the child, he should be paying Pfizer, rather than suing them. When the reporters asked him how his wife Zsa Zsa would react to his announcement, he said she is free to sue him for divorce if she chooses. He neglected to point out that at the age of ninety-three, most women (and men) can hardly make the trip to the toilet, let alone to a lawyer's office.


Then there is the Minister of Immigration in the Bahamas. He allegedly also slept with her. Presumably, as suggested, she did this in an effort to speed up her effort to immigrate to the Bahamas. We must uncharitably observe that sleeping with him might be a good reason for somebody to speed up their immigration out of the Bahamas.


Then there is Ron Burkhart. He has gone to court to prove he is the father. Most men who end up in paternity court hire lawyers to prove they are not the father.


The only person we believe is certainly not the father is Howard Stern- the guy listed as the father on the birth certificate. Stern could have ended this fiasco by simply agreeing to a DNA test as ordered by the California court. He is resisting this, in our opinion, because it will clearly show he is not the father. The DNA will exclude him, but it cannot point a finger at the real father unless he agrees to be tested. And in that regard, apparently, the tester will have to work his way through the entire male population in Los Angles over the age of fourteen, not to mention also those living in select parts of the Bahamas.


Does any of this make sense?


The driving force behind all of these efforts, in our cynical opinion, is money.


The existing will, naming Stern Executor, Trustee and Guardian has flaws big enough for Anna at her blimpiest to jump through. Anna, if anyone had the bad taste and honesty to admit that they watched her reality TV show would see that she was a basket case. Frequently, she was so zonked out she could not walk unassisted, slurred her words and generally made a pathetic fool of herself- often aided by Stern- her care giver- or at the very least her Enabler. California does not, except under certain circumstances, allow a care giver to inherit under a will. And he arguably, fits into this category. After this issue is considered, as far as the Will is concerned, one has to deal with her lack of capacity and the question of possible duress. All of these things will be examined in discovery proceedings. That fact Stern is a lawyer, who stands to make millions under this will- which is internally contradictory by its terms, and often does not make sense- harms, rather then helps him.


Paternity, particularly when the will is set aside, carries with it serious financial rewards. Just being Executor of the estate, at a commission rate of two and a half percent, may bring in over a million dollars in fees. Then there are the fee possibilities in Trustee commissions and the power to direct and even participate in legal fees in the on-going enormous Federal court proceedings under her late husband's will. This is not to mention the Guardian-parent's life style under the guise of support for the child. All of this is aside from the fact that the State of California or The Bahamas may step in and try to claim the monies since there is no heir under the will and maybe even no valid will.


Come to think of it, maybe, we should have gotten on that bakery line.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

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