In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 23, 2006 / 25 Shevat, 5766

Daughter in an emo frame of mind

By Marybeth Hicks

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As if there weren't enough reasons for insecurity and teenage angst when you're a high school freshman, my 14-year-old daughter was told recently that she needs glasses.

Not long ago, Betsy started complaining of headaches at school and an inability to see the chalkboard clearly, so I took her to the optometrist, and sure enough, she is nearsighted.

It's not the first time we've had her eyes checked. A few years ago, during basketball season, her formerly reliable jump shot started flying wildly all over the gym — most often above the top of the backboard — and it was a shot she took with unfortunate frequency.

I thought she might have a depth-perception problem, but a visit to the eye doctor confirmed she had 20/20 vision, a discovery that prompted my son to say, "I told you, Mom. She just stinks."

Be that as it may.

This time around, the diagnosis is clear — or should I say, fuzzy? — so we find ourselves engaged in the delicate task of redefining Betsy's appearance with prescription eyewear.

Choosing glasses is a complex decision, in part because eyewear seems to make a statement about personality. One style suggests, "I'm practical and not a risk taker," while another frame might say, "I'm desperate for attention — do I have yours?" The trick is to find a frame that subtly speaks for you without accentuating your uneven eyebrows — or your nose.

Choosing glasses puts a whole lot of focus on your nose, magnifying faults in ways you've never suspected.

Right away I rule out anything with a designer name on the stem, for which I would pay an additional $100.

She doesn't balk because she knows I could limit her choice to a sensible tortoise-shell frame that would stand up to teenage abuse, and so far I haven't stipulated durability over design.

We spend at least an hour sorting through the racks of sample frames. One is "too John Lennon." Another is "too Lucille Ball." When I say the red ones are "too Sally Jessy Raphael" I have to spend five minutes explaining who the talk-show hostess is.

Eventually, we realize we keep pulling the same frame off its plastic "face" and putting it on Betsy's. In the frame-selection process, this is how you know you're finished — you try the same glasses again and again until you discover the frame about which you register the fewest objections.

Betsy settles on rectangular lenses in a black frame, but not all black; the inside of the frame is a zippy shade of green, and the stems have green crisscross designs from tip to temple. We think they are smart and even a little bit cool.

But what do we know?

Monday comes, and Betsy heads off to school in her new specs, finally able to focus on the essential notes and cryptic squiggles on the board and also able to discern distant objects such as street signs and cute guys in the cafeteria (which she strenuously argues is not her goal).

The first school day in glasses comes to an end, and I'm curious to know what her friends think of her new look.

"They said my glasses were emo."

"What's emo?" I ask.

"I have no idea."

We head to the computer and get on www.urbandictionary.com, searching "emo" for a definition. Sure enough, there are thousands of entries, and there even are categories of ways in which you can be emo.

We find this definition:

"Genre of soft-core punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17-year-olds who don't smile; high-pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar riffs with tight wool sweaters; tighter jeans; itchy scarves (even in the summer); ripped chucks with favorite band's signature; black-square-rimmed glasses; and ebony greasy, unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5ths of the face at an angle."

This explains a lot. We also find this more succinct description:

"Like a Goth, only much less dark and much more Harry Potter."

We keep scrolling emo entries until we find a lengthy and informative explanation that says the term does not mean emotional, as most teens believe, but refers to "emotive hard-core," a music genre. The writer of this historical perspective notes that originally the term didn't have anything to do with categorizing an entire segment of adolescent America — the ones suburban moms like me might call "disaffected youths."

The part about the black eyeglass frames leaves Betsy a bit undone. "An emo kid is a depressed person who shops at Hot Topic in the mall," she says, referring to the national chain located in nearly every major shopping center where teens can buy scary-looking apparel.

(According to the urban dictionary, however, "emo kids" would claim to hate Hot Topic. They pride themselves on nonconformity, in a conformist sort of way).

Not Betsy's style at all.

I'm sure as heck not going back to choose another pair of glasses in a different stereotypical style ("Would you rather be preppy?" I ask. She is horrified), so we start thinking of pithy comebacks the next time someone says her new glasses are emo.

"The next time," I suggest, "just ignore them and pretend you're writing an anguished poem about being misunderstood."

It's the emo thing to do.

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JWR contributor Marybeth Hicks, a wife of 18 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide. To comment, please click here.


© 2006, Marybeth Hicks