In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 10, 2006 / 12 Shevat, 5766

Irreconcilable differences resolved in 15 words or less

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The husband was reading an article that said 69 percent of all differences in a marriage are never resolved.

"Do you believe that?" he asked.

I looked at him and solemnly said, "I do."

John Gottman, a relationship researcher and an affiliate of Smart Marriages, a sharp and enthusiastic coalition working to

strengthen marriage, has found that most couples have irreconcilable differences that are never reconciled.

Nice to know you have company, isn't it?

The husband and I have proven this theory to be true, in that we do not argue about a lot of things; we simply argue about the same things over and over.

I call them our perennials. Since we have had ample practice at the same arguments, we have been able to shorten many of them to 20 words or less.

For example, the husband does not appreciate the fact that I was born cold-blooded, just as I do not appreciate the fact that he has a circulatory system unable to deliver a single drop of blood to any of his extremities.

When we are in the car and he has turned the heat to the hottest setting with the fan blowing on high, I no longer inform him that I am getting hot and nauseated and believe this is inconsiderate and insensitive on his part.

That would just stir up one of those dreaded relationship talks that ends with neither of us remembering how it started in the first place. Now, I simply say, "Honey, the flames of Hell." (five words)

He knows what this means and moves the knob ever so slightly away from the red and toward the blue. "Now?" he says.

(One word.)

If it is still too hot, I say, "Bo nfires of Hell." (three words.) He moves the knob further toward the blue and I am once again able to breathe, although he now has small icicles hanging from his nose.

When I am not looking, he slides the lever back to the high heat setting, whereupon I roll down my window and either the exchange begins anew, or we have reached our destination.

One of our other perennials is about being on time. I believe punctuality means arriving at least 10 minutes before an event starts. He believes arriving before an event starts is a waste of time.

Instead of arguing, I now move the start time of events up by one hour. He is satisfied, thinking he successfully slid in at the last second, and I am happy in that it has been two years since we raced a bride down the aisle.

Our third perennial involves holiday travel. He enjoys burning 2,000 miles of interstate to visit all members of both families, while it makes me weary. Instead of prolonging this argument, we now have it down to a bare-bones banter:

"Four states, seven days," he says.

"Three states, five days and potty breaks every 90 minutes of travel," I say.

"Three states, six days, potty breaks every two hours," he counters.

That discussion used to take an entire evening, but now we can have a holiday travel plan formed in under two minutes, with only occasional rolling of the eyes on my part.

It would probably behoove every couple to pinpoint their perennials and whittle them down to a 15-word-or-less exchange.

This allows couples to argue more quickly and efficiently, hence allowing more time for other things, like getting along.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.


© 2006, Lori Borgman