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Jewish World Review
Feb. 2, 2005
/ 23 Shevat, 5765
Rooster rumble a cockamamie idea?
By
Brad Dickson
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Here's a story that had me checking the newspaper date to make sure it wasn't April Fools Day: Oklahoma Democratic State Senator Frank Shurden has introduced a bill that will allow legalized cockfighting provided the roosters wear little tiny boxing gloves.
You thought athletes who participate in the sport of curling look stupid running around with those brooms. Shurden said wagering on boxing roosters will generate revenue. And this is the party that dares criticize the Bush economic plan?
Oklahoma voters banned the gentleman's sport of cockfighting in 2002 because they felt two roosters slugging each other with little razors affixed to their wings was inhumane. Shurden, a "longtime devotee of cockfighting" — and what politician wouldn't want that label — introduced his tiny boxing gloves bill as a way around the ban. In addition to gloves, the roosters would wear tiny chicken-sized electronic vests to record the number of hits and determine a winner. Critics claim Shurden is a cockfighting purist who's laying the groundwork to legalize cockfighting in its original form.
It's nice to see not every political figure in the nation is caught up with this meaningless "terrorism-economy-peace in the Middle East" tripe and has the wherewithal to focus on the important issues we face. It's also gratifying to find one elected leader not bogged down worrying about ridiculous swill like tax relief, unemployment, health care and crime, and willing to step up to the plate and get the boxing gloves on the cocks, so the U.S. can retake our rightful position as the leaders of the Free World. Wait till the French hear about this! They'll be back in our corner.
All this begs the question: Who is State Senator Frank Shurden? What kind of politician would want a legacy like this? We had Harry Truman's "The Buck Stops Here," FDR's "All we have to fear, is fear itself," Ronald Reagan's "I paid for that microphone!" and Frank Shurden's, "Boxing Gloves for Chickens!" I wouldn't say this guy is low brow, but if this passes his next goal is to get the sport of Backyard Wrestling into the Olympics.
Personally, I must admit when I heard cockfighting had been banned in Oklahoma I cried "Fowl!" I don't have anywhere to go with this, but I wanted to work that joke in.
But why stop here? Let's get the great minds in this country working together to bring the following sports into the mainstream:
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Sand Beach Volleyball for Crabs
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Monkeys playing golf (They constantly grab their opponent's ball off the tee and run. Would have triple the interest of regular televised golf!)
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Otter ice dancing
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Chinese Giant Panda Boxing (They will have no trouble abstaining from sex before competition.)
The Oklahoma cock fighting story is actually getting quite a bit of publicity. It was featured on the national wires and covered by a number of sports departments from around the country. And sports guys, a little reality check — you know you may not be on the fast track at your local station when it's Super Bowl Week and your assignment is to cover a press conference featuring pugilistic roosters in boxing gloves. Now come World Series week if you find yourself reporting on the Cow Chip Throwing Championships in Beaverton, Montana...hint, hint.
The stated goal of cockfighting proponents: to make cockfighting virtually like regular boxing. So far it seems to be working, today Don King showed up and took all the champion cock's winnings. Actually, I'm just glad Michael Powell stepped down. Two weeks ago I could not have written the sentence, "Don King showed up and took all the cock's winnings."
Critics assert that cockfight-loving State Senator Shurden must be a "vicious, sadistic, angry, hostile, mean-spirited, blood-thirsty" - no, wait, I'm sorry. That was Senator Barbara Boxer they were talking about. Lots of folks confusing those two these days.
Myself, I get a kick out of picturing two roosters standing around in the locker room before their fight wearing their tiny boxing gloves and brightly colored vests watching synchronized swimmers, NBA players covered in tattoos, and Packer "cheesehead" fans on a big screen going, "Boy, do they look dumb."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Brad Dickson
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