Jewish World Review Jan. 31, 2013/ 20 Shevat, 5773
Help wanted, royally
By Celia Rivenbark
Yes, well. Wonders never cease, I suppose. Her own husband! And she calls herself a tabloid staple. What next? Will they stay married longer than it takes to microwave bacon?
As scandalous as that headline was, there was an even more shocking one right beside it. Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge (spoiler alert: William is the father of his wife's baby!) have "placed an ad for a part-time housekeeper" but refuse to consider hiring a full-time nanny when the baby comes in July.
OK, first of all, "placed an ad"? I can only hope they didn't just put that out there on Craigslist between the ads for "barely used" Stairmasters, vintage bong collections and aficionados of long, moonlit walks on the beach. And what did it say? "Help Wanted: Part-time housekeeper to assist celebrity couple as they embark on new life as parents in drafty McMansion …"
This is the future King or Queen of England, for pity's sake. You can't just "place an ad" for someone to help out around the palace.
A spokesman for Prince Charles reported that he was "dumbstruck" by the couple's insistence that they don't need full-time help with the baby.
Instead, Kate's parents, who are commoners, you know, have offered to help with the baby as needed.
I'm sure Charles is having a full-on hissy fit over this. This sort of completely normal in-law behavior is anathema to Charles who is probably fearful that this will result in being called "Peepaw" and, Camilla, "Meemaw" at some point. Commoners are so fond of nicknames and over-familiarity. Next thing, they'll want to watch "Downton Abbey" together and (shudder) pop some corn.
Charles has always embraced every privilege that royalty affords. He was very close to his own nanny who raised him from birth. Rumor has it he only met his biological mother, Queen Elizabeth, on the occasion of his 37th birthday when she decided to surprise him with a giant cookie from "Guess Who!"
I know a great deal about royalty because I have seen both "The Princess Diaries" and "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement" numerous times. But it was actually "Coming to America" with Eddie Murphy as a Prince with a staff including "Wipers!" that is probably more like Charles. He has someone put the toothpaste on his toothbrush every morning, did you know that?
In contrast, the decision to seek a part-time housekeeper primarily "to walk the dogs and polish the silver" is vintage William and Kate.
They are just another darling expectant couple with their own ideas.
Their own completely loony, fast lane to Crazytown, ideas. The truth: Parenthood is a lot of work and there's no shame in getting help. Doing everything for yourself without any outside help is terribly overrated.
Just ask Lance Armstrong.