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Jewish World Review The Starbucks Gap By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Starbucks has just broken the sound barrier. With its latest paper cup of premium coffee selling for $7, I can hear my long-deceased father screaming from the grave, "Seven dollars for a cup of coffee? My first car didn't cost seven dollars! My first house didn't cost seven dollars! Your grandfather had to work on the back of a horse for a week to make seven dollars!" No doubt you've heard similar harangues from your parents or grandparents. "What on earth could make a cup of coffee worth seven dollars?" they ask. "Do they put gold in it, or is it like a lottery? Do you win something?" Telling them that the coffee's made from Costa Rican Finca Palmilera beans doesn't seem to mean anything to them. They are perfectly happy to drink the store-brand coffee they buy in 3-pound cans at the Shop and Go Away, which they make in a contraption called a "percolator" that slowly boils away any coffee goodness that might accidentally have survived. They fail to understand why $7 coffee in a paper cup is so wonderful, even after you tell them that the cup has had your name written on it by a real barista. It's obvious there is a coffee gap between those who are content to swill anything dark first thing in the morning and those who spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on coffee machines, roasters and premium beans to make that perfect cup. It's not the money; many people who have never stepped into a coffee shop have expensive tastes -- boats, homes, horses, art -- but to them, spending money on coffee may seem an extravagant waste, as all obsessions are to the people who don't share them. Coffee doesn't just wake you up now, it says something about you, like one of those aptitude tests they used to give us in grade school. (For some reason, I never became the forest fire lookout the test predicted was my destiny.) In the coffee aptitude test, if you still percolate pre-ground, no flavors added, traditional coffee in a can for breakfast, chances are extremely good that you don't know the words to "Call Me Maybe" and have never watched the "Gangnam Style" video on your iPhone. You have never been in a Starbucks. If you have a standard 12-cup drip coffeemaker and buy a pre-ground specialty brand, you wonder why people make such a big deal over coffee. The stuff you make at home tastes fine, much better than that stuff they give you on airplanes. You saw "Gangnam Style" on some talk show and thought it was stupid/silly. Is that all it takes to make a hit record now? If you have one of those machines that makes one cup of coffee at a time with a little vacuum-packed pod in flavors like French Vanilla and Mucho Mocha, you have a job where your boss wants you to waste a week making a "Gangnam Style" spoof video using everyone in the office. He thinks it would boost morale. You think it would boost morale if he got fired and you took his job. You have an exercise mix on your iPod with "Call Me Maybe" on it. If you slam on the brakes every time you see a Starbucks, and all the baristas in your neck of the woods know your complicated order by heart, you were over "Gangnam Style" back when it had only 68,000 views on YouTube, and the only people you know who like "Call Me Maybe" are your parents. You roast your own fair trade organic coffee that you buy direct from the importer. You grind it yourself after deciding how you will prepare it -- in your glass coffee press or your $900 espresso machine. You have unfriended people on Facebook who post mashups of "Call Me Maybe" and "Gangnam Style." You wouldn't be caught dead drinking a cheap $7 cup of coffee. Old friends are avoiding you because sometimes they like to talk about things besides coffee. You wonder what's the matter with them. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: Meat-free holiday about as happy as a heart attack All I don't want is another gadget We went to the fiscal cliff and all i got was this stupid t-shirt Some years, you just want to stay home The first Thanksgiving family feud Spamming the globe Suburban mall is an endangered species Worthless heist: Only in the world fine arts The debate debate Looking for a shortcut to penury? Buy a car The pros and cons of a chicken tattoo Does saying 'no' make us bad grandparents? Crying 'foul' over ballpark proposals College loans and job-search groans That buzzing you hear is the sound of time flying Too much of anything can get annoying Five billionth in line for the throne WARNING! This article may cause drowsiness The mail and email of the species Jotting down the un-bucket list Bees deliver stinging fashion critique Have a tissue issue? Help is a phone call away My guy's guys are better than your guy's guys Divorce, Facebook style Millionaires are a dime a dozen What not to name the baby Technology is a wonderful thing -- when it works A bad case of the wedding bill blues Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials FOOD FIGHT! Rolling Stoned Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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