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May 22, 2013
John Thorne:
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?
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David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
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Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
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Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
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April 29, 2013
Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
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Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
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Jewish World Review
Do these glasses make my gut look big?
By
Jim Mullen
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
There's nothing like a visit to the optometrist to make you feel old.
I'm already wearing trifocals -- for distance on top, computer in the middle and reading on the bottom. I was afraid I would soon need quadrifocals: distance, computer, texting and reading. But it turns out my long-distance vision is actually improving.
After the exam, new prescription in hand, I went to order new glasses. The worst part of buying eyeglasses is that you can't see what they look like on your face because -- you need glasses! Duh! You'd think that by now some tech-savvy 18-year-old would have invented a 99-cent app that photographs your face and lets you see what you look like with different frames. Well, he hasn't. (You know what a good name for it would be? Face Book. Too bad that's taken.) So you try on frames and squint at yourself in the mirror and try to figure out what you look like, even though all you can see is a blur.
I asked the optometrist's assistant what she thought looked best, and, without looking at me, she said, "Try these." The ones I was looking at cost $147. The ones she wanted me to try cost $373 and weren't covered by my insurance.
I put on the more expensive glasses and squinted at myself. I thought they made me look like Dame Edna. Is this really what they're wearing in Milan this year? Do men really buy frames with rhinestones? "It's from the Elton John collection," she said.
The trend for the last few years has been small, narrow glasses that make everyone look like they are in a rock band that is so hip it plays only music you'll never hear on the radio. I can't really pull that off anymore. I could barely do it when I was young; now it would look ridiculous. But I don't want glasses that are so big I look like I come from Planet Bug-Eye.
I'm not a vain person, if you don't count all the hair- and skin-care products in my medicine cabinet, or the elevator shoes, or the corset -- I mean, back supporter -- but I like to think I have a little style, a little flair, a little panache. Actually, my panache is getting pretty big. I've really got to lose some panache before I have to buy bigger pants.
So I went back to the section with the cheap frames that my insurance does cover. I looked among the hundreds of round, oval and even trapezoidal frames for something that would complement the shape of my face.
I have a square face. Imagine Clark Kent, if he were old, fat, gray and out of shape. But Clark wore ugly glasses as a disguise. Who would ever recognize him without his glasses? Yet when I whip off my glasses, people still recognize me. They say things like, "Have you put on even more weight?" or, "I'd sue the plastic surgeon who did that to you."
What, I wonder, could possibly make a little metal frame cost $147? The reading glasses sold in every drugstore cost only five bucks, and most of them have metal frames. I could buy 29 pairs of them for this price. The only difference is they don't have a fancy Italian fashion designer's name on them.
Funny, I never see any of those designers wearing glasses. Just because they can make a ball gown doesn't mean they can make a decent pair of glasses. More than likely, some low-paid schmuck at Frame Central designs them for pennies and the designers slap their labels on them and keep, oh, $140 of the $147. Nice work if you can get it.
Funny thing is, no one has ever asked me who designed my glasses.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
Previously:
More expensive by the dozen
In one year and out the other
Thank heaven it's Black Friday
Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow
READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY!
The Seven Secrets of Success
It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid
How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid
The yellow badge of cowardice
Any way you slice it
Home sweet homeschooling
Don't Head for the Borders
Money ball
Golf and death go hand in hand
Tune in, turn off, unplug
The radar curtain
Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy?
The gift of garbage
Johnny Intern, Ph.D.
Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors
You must remember this…
TV experts and real news
Hey caller, where's the fire?
My sad cushy life
Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me
Big Brother is skinny
Flight of the snowbirds
This HDTV needs child support
Dear Future: Where's the dome?
Not so elementary, my dear Watson
A vacation revolution
Your call is very unimportant to us
Life: There's no app for that
Bam! Practical kitchen magic
Poisoning myself
Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version!
$38,000 for traffic and weather updates
2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack
2010: A year of annoying junk
Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters
Money never sleeps, but it does pass out
President Trump kept it classy
Stalking your college kid won't change a thing
Putting my life in Jeopardy
Mo' government, mo' problems
iLostIt
Dressed for excess
Expert tease
The mysteries of Jersey
You are a toilet, where am I?
Don't we all cheat at the game of life?
What happens when I forget where Google is?
Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out
Picasso fiasco
Purple (hair) Daze
Let me hear your body talk
Working from work
Babies deserve clean restrooms, too
3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past
Money-making ideas on the fly
Collecting and hoarding
Chain of fools
Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
He loves only gold, only gold
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like wack Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
Music to my ears it's not
You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from Little House
A parable for the ages
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative juice
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping
© 2009, NEA
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