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Jewish World Review Jan. 29, 2009 / 4 Shevat 5769 A Very Short Course in Becoming a World-Class Communicator By Marty Nemko http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Most people think they are better communicators then they in fact are. It is extraordinarily difficult to be an excellent communicator, but I believe the essence of that skill can be reduced to these few principles: Rule of thumb talk 30 to 50% of the time and encourage your protégé to talk 50 to 70% of the time. Use the Traffic Light Rule of communication: During the first 30 seconds of an utterance, your light is green: your listener is paying attention and not thinking you're a blowhard. During the next 30 seconds, your light is yellow. That means the risk is increasing that your listener is bored, overwhelmed, or dying to respond. After the one-minute mark, your light is red. Yes, occasionally, you can go beyond a minute, for example, when telling an interesting story, but generally you should stop or ask a question. Really listen to what your conversation partner is saying and how he's saying it. For example, notice when he changes his tone of voice or body language. Don't interrupt unless you think it really will benefit the conversation. Many people hate unasked-for advice. Others welcome it. To be safe, when tempted to give advice, say something like, "Would you mind if I made a suggestion, would you rather I ask you questions to help you solve the problem, or do you want me to just listen?" When you're not sure you understand, say something like, "Let me be sure I understand." "Then paraphrase what your conversation partner said. Criticize infrequently. To soften the blow of a criticism, couch it gently, for example, "Would you mind if I made a suggestion?" On getting the okay, say something like, "I'm wondering if you might try doing X. What do you think?" Rarely will you feel glad you showed anger to your convesation partner. So, as soon as you feel yourself getting angry or defensive, the usually wise move is to excuse yourself and walk away, perhaps to the bathroom, take some deep breaths and calm down. If, a day later, you still feel angry, you can bring the issue up. By then, you'll probably do it more calmly. I think you can see that being an excellent communicator is far from easy, but it yields huge payoff both professionally and personally. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JWR contributor Marty Nemko writes the career column on Kiplinger.com and is Contributing Editor for career matters at U.S. News & World Report. 500+ of Dr. Nemko's published writings are on www.martynemko.com. Comment by clicking here. Archives © 2009, Dr. Marty Nemko

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