Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review January 17, 2008 / 10 Shevat, 5768

Sobs, gulps and a few long sighs: Dems articulate their views

By Dick Polman

Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | From the next Democratic debate in Las Vegas:

"It's truly wonderful to be back in this beautiful state," said Hillary Clinton, "and as I think about the natural splendor of Sunrise Mountain, just to the east of this marvelous city, and how every new morning announces itself above the mountain's highest peaks, well, it just (choke) always moves me deeply. I really just (choke) ... I'm sorry, may I have a moment here?"

"Speaking of being moved," Barack Obama quickly interjected, dabbing his eyes with a hankie, "I keep thinking how the pioneers who traveled across this valley more than a century ago were actually spreading the promise of America, the same promise (gulp) that compelled my Kansas mother and Kenyan father (intake of breath) to inspire their son to, to, to ... (head bowed)"

"I am so moved by my own personal story as well," said John Edwards, seizing the opening, "because my daddy was a mill worker - have I mentioned that? - and he worked so very hard ... um ... (biting lip) ... to give me a better life (long sigh), but this is not about me, this election is about all of you out there, and I want you to know how much ah feel your pain (loud gulp) ..."

"Just a moment there," said Clinton. "It upsets me (teary grimace) to hear you appropriate one of my husband's lines. And I wish the two of you would stop making fun of me, because speaking as a woman, (louder gulp) we are tired of hitting our heads on the glass ceiling, I mean, the injustice of it ... (anguished swallow) ..."

"Hillary," Obama admonished, "I would suggest to you that the travails of African Americans (muted sob) have been the greater injustice, if for no other reason than that they were brought to America in chains (sorrowful swallow) ..."

"As women, our chains were invisible. Blacks got the vote after the Civil War, while we women (louder sob), regardless of race, were denied the vote until 1920. ... Excuse me. Does anybody here have a Kleenex?"

"Not a chance," said Edwards. "Kleenex is a trademarked product of a big corporation, Kimberly-Clark, and I have been fighting and beating the big corporations mah whole life (shoulders heaving, dabbing his eyes with his tie)."

... "That's enough, all of you," the moderator interrupted ...

"Fine," said Clinton. "I'll reschedule my wracking sob for the closing statement."

"Tell ya what, John," said Obama, turning to Edwards, "I'll lend you my hankie if you lend me your eyedrops."

"Done."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Dick Polman is a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Comment by clicking here.


PREVIOUSLY

11/08/07: Thompson's federalism draws no ‘amens’ from religious right
11/02/07: Getting white men to jump
10/08/07: Clinton talks reform, but takes cash
07/03/07: Tapping Hillary fashion flap to raise funds
07/27/07: Hillary owes Elizabeth big time
03/09/07: For liberals, Clinton fatigue rooted in policy
03/01/07: Fading memories of Newt: Former speaker could benefit if conservatives forget some of his actions




© 2007, The Philadelphia Inquirer. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles