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Jewish World Review January 2, 2008 / 24 Teves 5768 Save Mom from mooching brother; more By Jan L. Warner & Jan Collins http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: We are at our wits' end. Our mother, who is widowed and 78 years of age, is now in a nursing home. Our younger brother has been a leech for as long as we remember, even when Dad was alive. For years, he would guilt our parents, and then Mom, into giving him cash, taking out loans for him (which they paid) or maxing out their credit cards for him. Like most of us, Mom still receives lots of pre-approved credit card offerings even though she has very limited income and few assets left, thanks to our brother, who is living in Mom's house "for now," he says, because he just lost another job. We are very concerned that he may try to steal her identity by signing for her on one of these pre-approved mail offerings and go hog wild on the Internet with a new card that no one can verify is actually my mom using it. Are there any resources you know of to prevent this from happening? A: The first order of business, it would seem, would be to go to the post office and change your mother's mailing address to your home. This would stop the flow of mail to her house immediately. If the post office will not accept a power of attorney (assuming you have one), ask your mother to sign for forms. Second, if you go on the Internet to www.optoutprescreen.com, there are links that will allow you to write to each credit bureau and have the pre-approved mailing halted. At the same time, you can also inform the credit bureaus to place a "Fraud Alert" on your mother's credit report. We also suggest that you take her driver's license, state ID card and Social Security card and keep them safe in your possession. Lastly, order a free credit report for your mother each year, beginning now, at www.annualcreditreport.com, and make sure your brother knows that using your mother's identity could result in criminal charges that you intend to prosecute. Q: My father has dementia, and Mom takes care of him at home. Of late, he has become extremely aggressive with her which is cause for concern because Dad has a collection of 20 or more guns that he has started to clean every day. Mom and I have tried to redirect him without success, and he will sit for hours cleaning his shotguns, pistols and rifles. We know that if we try to remove the guns from the house, he will miss them. He picks arguments with Mom about the smallest things, and she is concerned that he may well hurt her because he also keeps large amounts of ammunition at home. We asked his doctor what to do but have not gotten a satisfactory response. Any ideas about a potentially explosive situation? A: Assuming you and Mom can get Dad out of the house, we believe the best way to approach this situation is to find a gunsmith who will come to the house while Dad is not there and remove the firing mechanisms or firing pins from all of his weapons. Or, better still, if you can get Dad to come to your house for a few days over the holidays, see if you can make arrangements with a gunsmith to do the same task at a gun store. Under these conditions, your father's fixation on weapons does not seem to be appropriate. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JAN L. WARNER received his A.B. and J.D. degrees from the University of South Carolina and earned a Master of Legal Letters (L.L.M.) in Taxation from the Emory University School of Law in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a frequent lecturer at legal education and public information programs throughout the United States. His articles have been published in national and state legal publications. Jan Collins began co-authoring Flying SoloŽ in 1989. She has more than 27 years of experience as a journalist, writer, and editor. To comment or ask a question, please click here. Archives © 2007, Jan Warner

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