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March 19, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: The Divine is in the details
JWisdom.com Stewards of sacrifice with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Why Obama is waging war on Israel
March 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Israel's New Enemy: America?
JWisdom.com Love me not? with Rabbi David Aaron (5 minutes)
Jonathan Rosenblum: Washington Throws a Tantrum
March 17, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Orwell, Santayana, and Me
Jonathan Tobin: How Many Lives Is Biden's Pride Worth?
March 16, 2010
Steven Emerson: Combating Lawfare
JWisdom.com How to perform a miracle with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair (4 minutes)
Anne Bayefsky: Behind Obama's Dangerous Overreaction on Israel
March 15, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Father's obligations toward minor children
JWisdom.com Moody, Grumpy, Irritable Children with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Judith Graham: Get the whole picture before a CT
March 12, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: You CAN have Heaven on Earth
JWisdom.com Manufacturing mediums with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: The march of the Red-Green brigades
March 11, 2010
Glenn Garvin: Conspiracy theories, why people believe them and how they spread
JWisdom.com For Yourself, Not By Yourself with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer : Turn leftovers into tasty New England hash
Paul Richter: Biden promises 'viable Palestine' is in the offing
March 10, 2010
Paul Greenberg: Death Checks In
JWisdom.com How To Get A (Real) Life with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( EXTENDED EPISODE)
Paul Richter: Israel exerts soverign right to its capital as Biden looks on astounded
Richard A. Serrano: 'Jihad Jane' indictment alleges threat from within U.S.
March 9, 2010
Wesley Pruden: Joe's Israeli adventure
JWisdom.com Free To Be (Responsibly) You and Me! with Rabbi Naftali Brawer ( 8 MINUTES)
David G. Savage: Supreme Court to rule on free speech in case of soldier's funeral
March 8, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Make a fuss about those who cuss?
JWisdom.com Finding or Losing Yourself? Here's How! with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Steven Emerson: America must learn from the UK about the future of Islamist subversion
March 5, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: Golden Calf still with us --- except it has multiplied
JWisdom.com The Limits of Eternity with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Biden's lost cause
March 4, 2010
Alan M. Dershowitz: How About A Real Campaign Against Abuses?
JWisdom.com Using Things, Loving People with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff ( 7 MINUTES)
Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkel's Everything's Relative
March 3, 2010
JWisdom.com Grasping The Name of Your Life Game with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( 8 MINUTES)
The Kosher Gourmet by Marialisa Calta : A cowboy's recipes for really good grub
March 2, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Someone's there
Diane Toroian Keaggy : Have we misunderstood Michelangelo?
March 1, 2010
JWisdom.com Whole in One with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Michael Muskal: Hillary meets with Israeli official, discusses gefilte fish dispute
Feb. 26, 2010
Rabbi Francis Nataf: The Megilla of Spring
JWisdom.com A Biblical Secret for a More Powerful You with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: When rhetoric rules the roost
Feb. 25, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: When walking away from your mortgage is both economically sound and makes ethical sense
JWisdom.com The Second Most Important Question in Your Life with Rabbi Yehoshua Karsh ( 5 MINUTES)
Seema Mehta : U.S.-Israel relations raised in California's Senate race --- by conservatives
Feb. 24, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: The gift of the ‘prayer bomber’
Steven Emerson: Why Religious Freedom Commission is under attack
Feb. 23, 2010
Dennis Prager: Government, Yes! The Divine and Parents, No!
JWisdom.com The Last Laugh of Enlightenment with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair ( 5 MINUTES)
Anne Applebaum: Prepare for war with Iran --- in case Israel strikes
Feb. 22, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Is it not refreshing Tiger Woods' career has crashed and burned so dramatically?
JWisdom.com Esther and the third Truth with Rabbi David Aaron ( 9 MINUTES)
Kelly Brewington: Going smoke-free may raise diabetes risk
Feb. 19, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: Is the Divine beyond us or within us?
JWisdom.com Olympic Faith with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Israel and the West are perpetrators of a myth that endangers the Jewish State
Feb. 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Who is Rashad Hussain?
JWisdom.com A Wedding Disaster to Remember with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein ( 3 MINUTES)
Feb. 17, 2010
JWisdom.com Think your life is messed up? with Rabbi David Aaron ( 11 MINUTES)
Greg Logan: 'Greatest Jewish sporting event of all time since David versus Goliath' may be postponed because of bar mitzvah
Feb. 16, 2010
Anya Martin : Boy's 'cerebral palsy' fixed with diet
JWisdom.com Feet On The Street Spirituality with Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 8 MINUTES)
Marty Peretz: Let Europe Mind Its Own Business. It Brings Nothing To The Table Save For Mischief
Feb. 15, 2010
Herb Geduld: Lincoln and the Jews
JWisdom.com Are Our Children Really Ours? with Rabbi Mordechai Becher ( 5 MINUTES)
Susan King: 'Wolf Man' reflected writer's wartime Jewish experience

Jewish World Review January 30, 2008 / 23 Shevat 5768

I can tech it or leave it

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | When it comes to new consumer technologies, I am not what industry experts refer to as an "early adopter." If anything, I'd say I'm more like an "early disparager."


"Would you look at that guy?" I'll often remark to my wife with disgust upon seeing some techno hipster in public sporting the requisite "Bluetooth" headset in one ear and an "iPod" earpiece in the other texting away on his "BlackBerry" handheld as he cruises by in a "Segway" scooter and casually glances at his "digital" watch. "Whatever happened to simple one-on-one, face-to-face, human interaction?" My wife, however, has learned to tune out these comments by becoming engrossed in her own cell phone conversation.


In fact, when they first came out, cell phones bore the brunt of my distaste for technological fads. I remember practically straining my optic nerves rolling my eyes at the people who felt compelled to share with everyone within a quarter-mile radius the boring minutiae of their lives, graphic descriptions of their latest gastrointestinal troubles or, most commonly, the repeated refrains of "Can you hear me now? How about now? What about now?" And anyone who offered a polite, "Um, I'm sorry, but the funeral service has begun," would be quickly silenced with a hostile glare that said, "Do you mind? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"


Of course, I always eventually join the masses and grudgingly buy whatever gizmo the rest of the world embraced long ago. I am proud to say, however, that although I own a cell phone, I have not become one of the obnoxious jerks who turn every restaurant, crowded subway car, church service or hospital operating room into their own personal phone booth. No doubt I would, except that I rarely remember to bring my cell phone with me when I leave the house.


My technophobic pattern held true with another recent innovation, those GPS car navigation tools that plot every turn on the way to whatever destination you've keyed in. While friends extolled the virtues of these devices, explaining that they never get lost anymore, no longer fumble with maps, avoid traffic jams, have less stress in their relationships, etc., I remained unmoved. "Not for me," I said. "I like finding my own way on the road. I enjoy looking at maps and planning my route. And I love getting into shouting matches with my wife in the car about why I never listen to her and always get us lost, which is why we're always late and no one ever invites us out anymore."


Since receiving a GPS navigation device for Christmas, however, I've changed my tune entirely. My wife programmed it to speak with an Irish female voice, so wherever we go these days it's as if we're being led there by Sinead O'Connor. In between instructions in her brogue to "turn right, up ahead" and "after 400 yards, keep left" I half expect to hear the occasional criticism about the pope.


But the best thing about "Sinead" is that, in addition to providing perfect directions, she's entirely nonjudgmental. If she tells me to go left, but I go right instead, she doesn't take it personally. There's no "I said left, you idiot! Don't you know your left from right? Maybe you don't really want to go to this baby shower - is that it?" Instead, she merely recalibrates, silently adjusting to my implicitly superior navigational judgment.


I've heard that, for a fee, some GPS devices allow users to download celebrity voices. I don't know which celebs are available, but my first choice would be Patrick Stewart from "Star Trek: The Next Generation." Who wouldn't feel more confident driving around with Captain Picard's imperious voice intoning, "Prepare to exit the motorway in 100 yards ... in 50 yards ... in 20 yards, and ... ENGAGE!"


My only concern about these navigational tools is that they almost make driving too easy. Today's drivers simply do not need additional justification for passing the time behind the wheel talking on the phone, fiddling with the radio, applying makeup, clipping toenails, playing Jenga, napping, etc.


But instead of fearing technology's march, we should eagerly anticipate the next generation of GPS tools that will do much more than merely provide directions. Specifically, I look forward to hand-held devices that will calculate which checkout line at the grocery store is moving the fastest, inform you as soon as the buffet is restocked with fresh cheddar cheese cubes, automatically remind you when the refrigerator is running low on beer, and flash a warning at a party about the impending arrival of an ex-boyfriend, cigar smoker or anyone who has a side business selling Amway products.


Enticing as such a tool would be, for me to get on board would require one more feature: it would still have to function when I leave the house without it.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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