My hairdresser has moved to Japan. Considering how hard it is to get a good haircut, I may follow her.
Every woman knows a bad haircut costs more than the dollar amount you pay at the front counter. I have a friend who claims there are three phases to a bad haircut.
Phase one: Despair. You can't believe you just sat there and let it happen. (Been there, done that, got the bangs to prove it.) In the depths of Phase 1, if you had a paper bag, you'd pull it over your head and punch two holes in it so you could see to drive yourself home.
Phase two: Denial. You storm to the bathroom, assuring yourself that it can't be that bad. You shampoo, whip out the blow-dryer, hot rollers and flat iron along with three dozen gels, sprays and cans of mousse in an effort to re-do the do.
Phase three: Embracing ugly.
I once had a stylist I had to stop going to because we had too much fun. The more we talked and laughed, the longer she snipped and clipped. The day I walked out of the shop with a crew cut was the day I knew I had to find a new salon.
Then there was the time I dashed into one of those quick-cut shops and gave my name to the guy sweeping the floor, who also turned out to be the stylist. He was plastered with tattoos, had 2-inch spacers in each of his earlobes and the scissors shook when he held them against the back of my neck. The cut was good, but it took two weeks to get over the night terrors.
There are certain universal truths when it comes to haircuts:
When you give a new stylist free reign, you will end up with the same haircut as the stylist.
When a stylist calls another stylist over to admire your hair, they always look at the back of your head, never the front.
The more important an upcoming event, the greater the odds of a bad haircut.
The more a cut costs, the less likely you are to complain about it. Which brings us to, how much is too much?
The Professional Beauty Association says the average price for a haircut is about $45.
A $200 haircut is the new status symbol and a $400 haircut could mean you're running for president.
If you happen to be in London, Lee Stafford will cut your hair for $600. The fee includes a cappuccino or mineral water, your choice of music and chocolate-covered strawberries.
Hairdresser to the stars Orlando Pita charges $800 for trimming your locks in New York City. He spends about 80 minutes on a cut, which averages out to $10 a minute. Good luck getting in with him.
Most women fall into one of two categories. You either believe that spending an astronomical amount of money on your hair is worth every cent, or you consider that you may have passed the point of diminishing returns and wonder if the money might be better off invested.
Judging from the way my hair is behaving today, I'm leaning toward a good mutual fund.