JWR Schticks and groans

In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Jan. 15, 2004 / 21 Teves, 5764

Of Martians and Jihad

By James Lileks

Ah, the joys of Muslim childhood! Homicide bombers in training?
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There is a method to the madness

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | An imaginary interview:

You're a member of an Islamist terrorist organization, right?

"I am, the grace of Allah."

Mm-hmm. We here in the corrupt and decadent West recently read of an interesting twist in suicide bombing. One report said that a female suicide bomber planned to board a plane with explosives secreted in her nether zones, so she could escape detection and kill everyone on the plane. This story ran right alongside news of the successful landing on Mars of the Spirit probe — an interesting contrast, really. A question: Do you want to go down in history as a culture of death-besotted killers who came up with the concept of the lethal Birth Canal of Death, or the culture that put another robot on another planet?

(Silence) "Is this a trick question?"

No, really. Which would make you more proud? Coming up with cunning ways to blow up men, women and children on airplanes, or putting rockets on other planets?

(Thoughtful silence) "This planet, it is an infidel planet?"

Depends if there is life there, I guess. That's what the probe is meant to find out.

"So the probe could discover Zionest infidels on another planet."

They'd be microscopic Zionists.

"But infidels nevertheless!"

Most probably.

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"So! This robot you send — when it finds these deviously small Zionists, it blows itself up! Correct?"

Sigh. Yes. Yes, it blows up, and then other microbes throw a party and the European Union warns Israel not to even look at Mars. Sheesh. OK. Let me rephrase this. We've shown we can reach around the world and topple governments, and target specific buildings from space. Does it impress you guys at all that we can also aim rockets at Mars and land the package right in the crater we intended to hit? Granted, the crater is the size of Connecticut ...

"Which is full of infidels!"

Uh ... rrrrright. But again: We have precision, ambition, technology, confidence and love of life. You have mud cities that collapse because your mullahs ran a racket that kept the houses of Bam cheap and shoddy. You have leaders of your rackets who dictate screeds into cheap tape recorders from unheated caves. You have a scientific community that seems to have patentophobia, and your newest rumored advance in warfare would never be detected because of the very modesty and respect of women you believe the West rejects. And you believe you will win.

"With G-d's help, yes! Tell me more about this suicide space-robot of yours. We would like to know if it can be reprogrammed to smash into Mercury and teach it a lesson. Look at Venus — the entire planet is veiled, as it should be. Mercury is naked to the universe! If its moons had any honor, they would shove it into the sun. The entire universe is infested with infidels; it must submit or perish. We must explore the universe in order to reject it! This cannot be left to the West — we have heard of how you put a satellite out with pictures of naked people engraved on the side."

True. A calling card to anyone who found the Voyager probe; it showed them how humans appeared, so visitors didn't show up and make conversation with fish or dogs. But that's not the point. You see a robot ship on another planet, and it does not make you wonder if perhaps there are better things you can convince your people to accomplish?

"I seek only to undo the work of the Zionists and the Crusaders. They will be defeated by satellites and robots and rockets. Truly Allah has given us great tools to spread the way of righteousness."

Excuse me, but you weren't given these tools. We invented them.

"He has given them to you. And he will give you to us."

OK, thank you for your time. One more question: Does it get harder here at Gitmo, or easier?

"The weather's nice. The food could stand some improvement." Pause. "I would like some more floss. The waxed kind. Mint, if they have it. I could never get that back home."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor James Lileks is a columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

© 2004, James Lileks